I think... it is time. For Dirk to canon upd8.

I was CONSIDERING making him wait three years to match the length of time he has to spend on the Theseus, just to fuck with him a little.

But I think I want to bite the bullet and give him some new layers to be stressed out over

ohshit

He's gonna be a grandpa!

I mean he's BEEN a grandpa but 1. He doesn't recognise Vrissy as his grandkid because why would he 2. He doesn't KNOW he's still a grandpa otherwise

He will... sadly also know that Rosebot would literally rather fuck off to hatebang Terezi than hang out with him. :T

so he and Emet are just gonna be grandpas in love

but also, I am almost afraid to ask... how is he a grandpa

𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑦𝑎 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑦 : Well. Okay. So. Rose and Jade had a secret child because Jade wanted a kid but she has a dog dick and can't conceive. Their daughter is named Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde-Harley (which was a joke that went too far and got away from them) and has dog ears and a tail.

stares into the distance

Yiffy is A. a secret EVEN FROM KANAYA and B. actually my favourite of the new kids. Dirk HATES Yiffy, though. Like, just as a concept. He and Hussie argue about it.

(He is also... scared of her.)

(For narrative reasons)

My stare only grows more hollow

Yiffy is actually one of the only conditions Hussie put on HS^2's existence. He mandated her existence.

And now you know.

oh my god

Okay, canon update submitted.

He will now be circa Bonus Update: A Threat Sensed

Dirk's body will be collected and taken care of by Emet, so dirk will be in good hands at least