I swear to god men aren’t shit (derogatory, lovingly)

Emergency [thing] may have happened, immediate hackles and “it wasn’t MEEEEE” vibes

CAN WE SOLVE [THING] BEFORE WE EMBRACE PRIDE

Love my partners, big male energy (sometimes derogatory)

Also when you’re the only one with a sense of urgency in a situation is always super fun and not at all infuriating

Everything is fine I’m just vague venting because I’ve had a long shitty day

And I want to shake them both separately for different reasons

Actually everything is not fine and everything is not going to be fine until my dog grows up and graduates college

every day is another existential crisis and an oh my god did he eat that

and every time it's been fine but my brain latches onto the what if

I found!!! the pill!!!!! that i thought he might've eaten

but then my brain concocts 50 other pills he could've eaten instead

spends 89 dollars on a nothingburger poison control call to be told to go to the vet like OH!! COOL!!! the vet told me to call you

did we need the cycle of call this person > pay > get told to call the same person

are you in cahoots

"we don't know anything about that medication, call poison control" > "go to the people who just said they don't know anything about that medication btw before we tell you that you have to pay us money"

GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE

it just doesn't make sense!!!!!

my jimmies are rustled this fine eve

my dog is fine and the jimmies are in rare form

maybe i'll just!!! nuke hitler!!!!!!