if I want to try works I might be able to stream this Monday and get to work faster, if not I'll keep struggling. but at least we have something to look forward to this next Monday.... I've been struggling with my mental health more than ever since the beginning of spring and getting ANYTHING done is becoming a living nightmare
I don't necessarily think it's burnout bc I no longer almost-cry at the thought of touching my tablet to draw so I don't think that's the problem, I think it's just like, my ADHD is literally worse than ever
streaming helped me lock in and focus, a lot, it's literally one of the best things I could do for my mental health and my clients and for the sake of consistency
as most of you know I don't have a graphics card and my computer is very very low end but a friend is working on gifting me one for the price of shipping which my husband offered to cover when it's time to send it
another solution is I found out there's ways to stream my screen on some apps so I'm going to try that and see if I can stream on Instagram or back or trovo again (god forbid I use switch ever, I hate that site) or some other alternative, I'll look into that when the time comes
anyway yeah I'm doing shitty, I feel like shit, I'm doing what I can to fix it while complaining but I still feel like shit idk what to do but I'll get to that when I get to that
my ADHD is like so catastrophically bad I'm having trouble speaking, I can't rly eat, let alone cook, my living situation is shitty but not dire at least (rent went up as most of you know, which is A THING HAPPENING I guess)
Exacerangutan
: yeah :') I'm so suicidal I'm considering outpatient but idk how that works here and I'm worried they'll try to institutionalize me for good specially bc I don't have any family to turn to
anyway, everything is bad, I feel bad, and I don't see any way out or any hope for the future and I'm losing whatever last bit of hope I didn't know I had but we keep toiling
my husband is keeping me afloat with a dinosaur shaped floatie at this point bc they can't do anything else for me (nor do I want them to bc that's not their job at all) and I'm holding myself up one single step from giving up on life completely so that's where the shit is atm :')
"but didn't you have a therapist" did you know I've been messaging and calling since last summer and they keep moving my appts. I just didn't say anything bc I thought that was normal...
Exacerangutan
: I genuinely felt I was getting no benefit from it whatsoever, I don't know if it was working anymore, but it's worth trying again, at least
or helpful at all even a little bitbesides commiseration