[sexuality meebling] [tmi by nature]

4 am is the right time for this right

sitting here like "so wait to people actually like. get turned on by physical meat people/porn" with the slow dawning realization I never have

like. written erotica does. um. do the trick! but the brain has to be Engaged.

otherwise horny is just kind of a thing that sometimes happens Independently of Me.

like just a Thing Happening In My Body.

Like Gas.

and I have. a horrible sinking suspicion. This is not Normal or Allosexual of Me.

well I guess it's not really horrible.

but horrible in the GODDAMMIT I NEED TO FIND ANOTHER KIND OF FLAG PINS?!

I dunno. I enjoy like. drawing smut. and reading smut.

but boy most cheesecake kinda leaves me going oh okay I'm supposed to find that attractive? let me put the appropriate face on

is now the time i tell you that autism and the wide gamut of asexuality often have at least mild correlation-

fyck

I have to say that is extremely Same Hat with me

stares into space

good news the asexual colors are lovely

i would of course land on ANOTHER aspect of myself excluded by the queer community

idk for me personally i’ve never been turned on by porn and even with Real Life People, my brain requires a certain... suspension of disbelief threshold? a “this seems like someone who COULD plausibly be sexually interested in me” threshold, basically
—before any kind of sexual fantasy has appeal.

I think there are some parts of this experience that would get labeled demi or gray-ace, depending on who you ask... but I don’t use any of those labels because I don’t find them needful, you know?

oh even when people are Interested I have straight up never fantasized about anything that involves uh. me.

conversely, if having that language is helpful to you, then there’s no reason NOT to use it! it’s right there being helpful for talking about yourself and your needs with people you care about!

I forget what they call that specifically

but there's a word for it and: hard same

I've seen the word but I deeply hate it for word version of Bad Texture so.

tragic but also relatable terminology struggle 😔

—but yeah, basically I think you should describe yourself as ace or on the ace spectrum if it feels ~right~ and useful to you, simple as that