it's a weird feeling when your new therapist regards you as if you're the most fascinating rat in the utopia experiment

the utopia project if you're intersted

I told her that nothing I've been told humans are supposed to find meaningful gives any meaning to me

her: the buddha would call that enlightenment

me: I'd call it it fucking sucks

her: but that just means you know better. beauty and stuff. it's inherently meaningless

me: so? happiness is an illusion, but it sure feels better than this

I posit to all conservatives: feelings are facts, because we choose how to define reality

her response was: yeah, that's fair

so at real we're on the same page I guess? Still no bad vibes, she seems to really genuinely want to help me

but yeah. about a 1/4th of the way in, she took off her glasses and leaned in, and that interest did not wane for the entire session

it rises an emotion in me I'm not totally sure about