barely slept at all. had nothing but dreams about being betrayed/being kicked out of all my hobbies and ostracized by my friend groups all night

had a dream that my front door had somehow come open and a neighbor's dog had gotten in and dragged all of my shoes into the yard and torn them to shreds, and all our dishes and utensils and buried them in mud

and I was trying to clean up and collect them but the dog was making a mess and I couldn't do it on my own

and then had a dream about like, vagueposting my cousin(??), with whom I have not interacted online since we were 16 for the record, and it somehow automatically snotch-tagged her in the post and I couldn't fix it, and then she made like

some kind of triumphant callout post about me and all these people I don't know were like "wow she sounds terrible we'll keep an eye out" or replying with stories about me being awkward and awful at rp from years ago

and I was just like, reading in horror at all the people who I had no idea hated me so much all this tims

also had terrible heartburn from too much caffeine ytd so I think I got maybe 3 hours total of sleep

it's like when I go to sleep I can't think about anything else, I try but every dream ends up being about how I'm such a bad person that everyone actually really hates me and is just waiting for me to fuck up somehow so they can fully reject me and I'm oblivious to it

it feels, uh, bad, for the record

also it's in the mid 70s already at 8:30 am and will be reaching the mid 90s today so I will be spending the last day of my 4-day weekend locked in my room with the curtains drawn once again

maybe I'll do laundry, it's like 20 degrees cooler in my basement

/hugs