☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:20 AM
[family death]
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:20 AM
Today was a day more for... venting and raging at some things. Related to complications regarding interactions and relationships between different members of my family.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:20 AM
I won't specify things now. Not yet.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:21 AM
But I vented and raged to my mom about something and it kind of helped to get someo f it out.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:21 AM
I sitll need to get more of it out.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:21 AM
IDK if I need someone to tell me I'm wrong for it or I'm right or I don't know, I'm not ready to break it down yet.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:21 AM
Sam, youngest sister, is flying out to Texas tomorrow for a few days. She'll stay with our brother, CJ.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:22 AM
They'll handle documents, and all the hard stuff that also relies heavily on finances.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:22 AM
Sam is struggling financially.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:22 AM
My mom has taken off this week and I don't know if there'll be more. That's a negative dip of... I think I found it to be like $400 pre-tax?
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:22 AM
Cremation stuff is... all of it... I say "stuff" to kind of detach away, I guess.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:22 AM
My mom and I can't help with any finances.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:23 AM
In fact, we're in the negatives, now. Quite literally two days ago.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:23 AM
I feel guilt about that,t oo.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:23 AM
CJ refuses to allow a financial-help thing in the obituary portion.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:23 AM
I'lll post the final bit of the obituary and any memento stuff when I can actually talk about it.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:23 AM
If not here, then dreamwidth.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:24 AM
I went from a numb to an anger at things to a laughing at some memories, to now numb.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:24 AM
So I' went from typos of stuttering to just a numbness right now.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:24 AM
I need to do a few things, and also may try to do some more cleaning or just. I don't know yet to distract.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:24 AM
Every time I think I can talk to someone directly about it,my stomach does flips and says "No"
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:25 AM
My mom and I have admitted we're grateful we have each other's backs here. In at least the ways we can.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:25 AM
I've had a handful of people who've offered their ears or just their condolences in sincerity with some personalization. For those I've appreciated.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:25 AM
I've seen some share fond memories. Those make me grateful.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:26 AM
Annnnd I can't say anymore b/c I'm starting to lose my ability to.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:26 AM
I just. Needed to get this out, I guess.
Red Hair Jean
@metaljean
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:31 AM
sometimes, with big grief, yeah, you start to talk about it, then can't. that's ok, too. just like before, you take your time and do what you need.

you know where to find me if you want to talk
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 10:53 AM
Yeah... Each type of grief I've gone through is different and... yeah...
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 10:53 AM
Thank you, love...
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 10:53 AM
I just. I don't even know what to say, honestly...
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 10:53 AM
I want to talk to someone, but yet every time I think of talking about /anything/ I /can't/ because of what brought this on just... stops me.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 10:54 AM
Like. ... like now as the tears start to burn and I need to go to bed and yeah.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 10:54 AM
Thanks, love...
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 11:30 AM
Red Hair Jean
@metaljean
Thu, Jun 15, 2023 3:30 PM
always
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:03 AM
I don't feel like making another plurk right now.

My youngest sister has flown down and is now with our brother. I don't know the details of anything. I. Haven't really asked.

I know my sister will tell me what I need to know and if there's more, I can ask more when available.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:04 AM
She described herself as "tired" yesterday. Understandable. She's been carrying a lot of the responsibility stuff right now. A lot of stuff requires $$ and my mom and I don't have it.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:04 AM
She barely does.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:04 AM
My brother... he does.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:04 AM
I don't know howmuch, but he's well off.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:04 AM
He doesn't want to have "help" (financial) in the obituary.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:04 AM
Because he doesn't want to ask for it.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:04 AM
I was going tos ay more, but never mind. I need to step away.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:05 AM
knowing why my sister is there right now is another realization. another concrete bit. another. reality check.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:07 AM
Ah. Fvck. As I just put it inmy calendar that my sister isthere, it ergisters that she'll be there through Pepper's first birthday without... Pepper would've been turning 16. fvck.
☆XINDA☆
@xindanobody
Fri, Jun 16, 2023 3:07 AM
just. piling.
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