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my dad has tfa on in the next room and i could hear hux's speech... all i could think of was this
Hux's speech but it's a musical
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god i hate starkiller so much WHY IS IT THE DEATH STAR BUT BIGGER ITS SO DUMB
Nox
The Tarkin Doctrine: <speedruns the downfall of the Empire>
The First Order: ...guys, you know what we should do? Let's do the same thing, but worse!!!
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they didnt take the right lessons from the empire honestly
Nox
I mean, the only lesson I know of worth taking was the Bureau of Standards, the Empire kinda fucked everything else up eventually
Nox
Especially since Palpatine thought it was an A++ idea to ingrain like, the absolute worst parts of the old Sith ideology into...everything
Nox
Why have a coordinated military when you can have all your officers sabotaging and/or murdering one another? Why have a merit-based system when you can have pointless bickering and sycophants?
Nox
Sounds like a great way to run a galaxy to me, no downsides whatsoever :V
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my favorite thing was that they rebuilt the death star but didnt fix the flaw that got the first one blown up
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even though they had to have known at that point
Nox
The weirder thing was they fixed it in the plans but then literally baited the Rebellion into attacking before construction was finished and the flaw was actually dealt with
Nox
iirc they made it so that it vented through a fuckton of incredibly tiny exhaust vents that dotted the entirety of the station, so there was no way for anybody to launch ordinance through
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its amazing that these guys managed to rise to power at all
Nox
but then they still had the core access open because it was still under construction and Palpy thought that was a good time to literally invite the Rebels to attack
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looool big neon sign like "come on in right here"
Nox
No sane person would but see the funny thing about rebels who are completely willing to die for a cause is that they're totally willing to die for a cause and will take on crazy risks. Who could've seen that one coming?
Nox
(granted, TIE pilots chased them in there, but any decent TIE pilot is completely fucking insane anyway)
Nox
one of my RP dreams is still for Nox to meet like, anyone who thought the Death Star was a good idea. Or Starkiller base.
Nox
Because he will have an itemized list of all the reasons why those are terrible ideas and everyone who thought of them should be fired out the nearest airlock at the soonest possible convenience.
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planet killing weapons are such postering honestly
Nox
Because the Republic and/or Rebellion is going to naturally have a presence on worlds where there's a good flow of material/capital in order to keep their rebellion going, so blowing any of them up by default means you are deliberately destroying a massive benefit to your own "empire"
Nox
(moral arguments don't really work on people coming up with planet killing superweapons)
juliette lives
lmao how much do you want to bet that Rey's 15 years later movie is gonna have yet another huge ass death star
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yeaaaah think of like jedha and blowing up a source of kyber that you need for your super weapon
juliette lives
"we can't fucking have a star wars unless we blow up a death star, karen"
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please come up with something new!!!!! lmfao
juliette lives
the things you need in a star war:
Nox
I still want them to hire somebody with a spine and just

make star wars movies that are in totally different genres
juliette lives
- pew pews
- someone loses a hand
- someone's a mystery relative
- death star blows up
- glaring plot hole
Nox
it is literally an entire galaxy to explore, there is zero reason to keep using the same story beats over and over and over and over again
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mando s1 was pretty close to a full on western iirc
Nox
I would pay good fucking money for a Star Wars romcom or a horror story
juliette lives
where's sam raimi
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rian johnson can come back and do a whodunnit
juliette lives
evil dead: star wars
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please give me benoit blanc in space PLEASE
Nox
like for the former one of my absolute favorite moments of totally mundane but completely believable bullshit was in the Rogue Squadron novels where Corran and a Bothan pilot started dating one another and had to break it off because they found out he was literally allergic to her
juliette lives
lmao
juliette lives
people complain about the Jedi: Battle Scars book bc most of it is Merrin losing her shit over a hot purple lady but like... that's cute, shut up.
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also star wars is lacking in romance - i mean romance that doesnt end with one or both DYING
juliette lives
Corie you gotta read that one
juliette lives
they bang on Cal's bed
juliette lives
not even kidding
Nox
I will also die on the hill that Solo: A Star Wars story would have worked perfectly fine if they had just used another new character instead of Han
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okay thank you for the motivation to finish this one
Nox
Because there is no reason a Star Wars Heist Movie wouldn't work
juliette lives
Nox : I loved Solo, it was fun!
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right? the plot and idea was fun, i just didnt buy him as han! not his fault
juliette lives
I do not need my Star Warses to be anything much deeper than fun but for the love of god please!!! give us another story!!!!
Nox
I didn't mind it, but I know the "we're gonna just force some known characters into this somehow" approach was part of why it wasn't a bigger commercial success
juliette lives
forever mad that the sequels were just the OT but somehow not hopeful
juliette lives
I love the sequels but you're really gonna end it with "all three of the original heroes died and so did one half of the only actual romance shown onscreen"
juliette lives
also palpatine returned
Nox
Having a reason would have been nice
Nox
Instead we just sort of got "and Palpatine's back, don't worry about how"
juliette lives
they've tried to retcon it in with the novels and hints in Mando etc
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they dont need to go into super detail just like
juliette lives
but the more they try to explain about the cloning shit the less I care
juliette lives
"Sith cultists saved his dna and built him a new body" fine great just say that somewhere in the actual movie in which it happens
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i do kind of think its hilarious that they've spend so much time and energy explaining how its possible with bad batch and mando and that book
juliette lives
right lmao
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he could've just said that to kylo when they were talking at the begining like "oh btw you see those clones in the tanks, well thats me in case you were wondering where snoke came from!"
juliette lives
I'm pretty sure the Palpatine decision was made last minute
juliette lives
like after they'd filmed basically everything
juliette lives
they made Adam record "You're a Palpatine" in his closet
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and josh gad visited the set towards the end of filming on like some reshoots and it was palpatine revealing to rey
juliette lives
yeah
Nox
I cannot be convinced that Episode IX wasn't just a case of J. J. Abrams realizing the franchise was still breathing after his first crack at it so he came back to finish the job
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thats probably why he had the helmet so much too
juliette lives
I heard Ian McDiarmid had sort of gently snarked on it being last minute too
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i mean the episode 9 was better than the jurassic world writer's attempt at a script but not much
juliette lives
tho I do kind of love them just calling him up like hey Ian u wanna go one more round as Palpatine
juliette lives
and he's like you know what sure
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kathleen wanted to wait on the next movie so that johnson could come back because he was doing knives out at the time
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i dont think he would've retconned both movies like jj did
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star wars is always at least kind of inconsistent but gah tros was like nothing matched up to anything
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