I guess that stress dream I had was prophetic, albeit in a mild way. "Work on yourself, asshole. No--not like that."

TL;DR I am an extremely slow learner and finally realised why I get stressed out/apologetic when the character/canon I play from gets a lot of attention/support/discussion in a game discord and I am CRANKY about the epiphany because it's very "oh for FUCK'S sake" but at least now I can get the fuck over myself about it.

Still... stuck. >:T Brain, PLEASE.