I wish I could just not have to work while I get my mh sorted - finally see a doc, get put on some adhd meds, find shit that works for me - and then go back into the workforce
I've gotten contacted by the GMs of my trek game saying that they miss me and they'd love to figure out a way to fold me back in and it makes my heart hurt bc I'd love to and I was given assurances that I def could make this commitment and hahaha that just will not happen period at this point
tomorrow night, if the late show still has seats, I want to go to a local theater's rhps showing. now, even if I'm around late, we close at 6 on saturdays, so that's still plenty of time for me to eat, get some shit done, get all dressed up and go
but like I was hoping to do my nails and if I'm not gonna have time for them to be reliably done I might as well cut them but I kept them long deliberately so I could do them?
I think my hormones are starting to act up which, cool, great, love that shit, when I start thinking that it doesn't feel like this world and the way it's going is worth sticking around for
which, first, it sucks to have a list like that but it's helpful, but second, it's scary when you get stressed about the list bc it seems so far away and like a fucking chore to stick around for such a thing
sonic prime's coming in december. which makes me think about christmas and a shopping list and that makes me want to melt into the earth and become part of the water cycle
this job's meant to be a career but we're all being beat down and I don't want to abandon anything and in a few weeks we're going to be switching to a new system that hopefully streamlines so much and makes things much easier
every country is falling apart. TB is on the rise. no one takes covid seriously anymore. climate change has made so much weather so much worse and it's only going to keep getting worse bc the rich assholes can't agree that having a planet to live on is a goal we should strive for
floods and ruined homes and diseases that should be preventable, record drought and fire and wind, the erosion of everyone's rights, inflation, police forces murdering people just for trying to assert their right to live the way they want
and I feel so dumb bc I'm so first world problems but I can't help how I feel and I can't fix myself but I don't have the time or ability currently to set up with a doctor for the brain weasels
a patient rec'd a doc to me bc they recently got seen for adhd and were like 'your family doc should be able to refer you' YEAH YOU WOULD THINK I HAVE TRIED TWICE
YEAH? NO SHIT? can you not refer me or recommend anyone? it's just 'wow that's rough buddy anyway good luck'? do you not fucking get people in with these concerns?
It took me over a year to see a psych that specialized in adhd and he was in a city 2 hours away and i had to find him and tell my doctor to refer me to him specifically.
the fun story is that last time I was ready, like truly genuinely ready, had docs and their intake forms narrowed down and everything? was right when covid hit
but also hate that even getting that kind of help won't...fix things. it'll make things better but it won't fix things. the world is still fucking terrifying. capitalism is still a slavedriver. I know meds have helped people I know--zalia's become a fic-writing maniac even more than they already were for instance
and I can't. imagine that. I can't imagine being better. I don't know what that would look like, for me. and I can't imagine the world seeming like a better place if I put in the effort to try and get this shit going
resurrecting this for a mo: day was harried but much better than anticipated. got through the day (as basically the only tech with a little help from one who's still in training whoops) with as little incident as possible, did monday insurances, last second called tuesday unconfirmeds, everything that could get done got done
But i will say a lot of it doesn't post-medication. Mine's just Zoloft for depression and anxiety but i had the same questions. Sometimes still do, about how shit the world is
day was harried but much better than anticipated. got through the day (as basically the only tech with a little help from one who's still in training whoops) with as little incident as possible, did monday insurances, last second called tuesday unconfirmeds, everything that could get done got done