Been doing good personally. Professionally? Not so good. Let’s start with my personal growth/ life. Looking back to my past entries I mentioned a lot about not setting unrealistic expectations and enjoy the moment and tried to let go.
It was really hard. I can sense that in between the lines. But now I think I’m doing better. I started to express my gratitude generously. Saying thank you and giving out hugs and supports. I think everyone needs that, especially people nowadays are so stressed.
Romantically, I really enjoy my time with him. I like him getting close to me, like physically. Holding my hand, and waist, giving me hugs, putting his hand on my thigh/ knee, touching me... Nothing sexual, but I love that as it makes me feel he wants to get close to me as much as I want.
He bought me the ikea shark. I’m so happy and I’m hugging it while typing this entry. He’s so sweet. Protective, caring, but not restrictive. He would remind me to be careful, but he trust me enough that I can take care of myself. And he’d look out for me when he’s with me. That little gentlemen gesture. I love that.
And, that person, who hurt me to my core, came back. Texted me back after all this time, asking about my leg and sharing his life... all of a sudden. And also wanted to see me.
I’d give him a round of applause, if he dare to say he wanna start again. That’s very brave of him especially after how he treated me months ago. He gave up first, while I still holding on a glimpse of hope... and if, at that time, he said he’d try again, I’d probably jump right back in. But he gave up first.
I think that’s ok if he felt like something’s wrong and wanted to call it off. Just the way of how he handled it- was shitty. Ghosting. The ultimate immaturity. Showing his inability to face a problem and consequences of a decision. Fuck that.
Now seeing me happy and healthy and all that shit. Or maybe his lonely and want someone to get close? So he dared to come look for me again? What am I? A toy for him to enjoy when he’s bored and toss away when he has new attractions? Sorry I’m not I have boundaries and self respect. And I’m way too valuable for that.
I had a fake scenario inside my head and rehearsing my speech to get all my anger out hahahahaha. Tbh I don’t really care if he’d reply and really ask me to hang out or something. He’s no longer my concern anymore, and i have better things to care about in my life. I don’t need him to be in my life. He can stay gone and I have 0 problem with that.
But strangely he disappeared for almost a week. Haha.