OhCecilia
I'm a person with many flaws but I always try to be decent to people and not be intentionally hurtful. I always apologize for hurt feelings even if I don't understand why they're hurt. And I ALWAYS try to work on my friendships as much as possible. This is why I can't understand how people can treat me like I'm disposable. I don't know why I keep finding...
OhCecilia
myself in those kinds of friendships.
Prue
OhCecilia
Prue
: thank you <3
OhCecilia
I know I probably sound super woe is me and feeling sorry for myself lately. I mean, extra more so than usual. I can't apologize for that though. I'm guessing I'm going to be a little extra unpleasant for the next month or so while I go through this program. I've always been a little needy and I'm more so now. I'm extra sensitive and feeling extra alone.
OhCecilia
And yeah, working through some big stuff too.
Mostly Phen
a lot of people don't give two fucks
OhCecilia
My friends from the server I left last week haven't messaged me once to check in on me. I told them I was hurt they didn't respond to my message sharing that I've enrolled in my intensive outpatient program and I feel like their silence pretty much says it all.
Broken😩Star✨🔥
The work you’re doing is hard. I know. It sucks us dry. That’s why we’re all in this together. 
OhCecilia
Broken😩Star✨🔥
: 
thank you, friend. YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP THOUGH YOUNG LADY
thank you, friend. YOU SHOULD BE ASLEEP THOUGH YOUNG LADY
Cami Mahovlich
This sounds so familiar to me. 
OhCecilia
Cami Mahovlich
: 
Broken😩Star✨🔥
OhCecilia
: in bed, this was a last random plurk check. Nini! 
OhCecilia
Broken😩Star✨🔥
: Good! Sweet dreams, lovely <3
Alicia ✿
I always consider myself the disposable friend. Which my therapist once said "You're not a tampon. People aren't going to just throw you away when you don't have any more use." 
Which...ok, but it FEELS like it.
Which...ok, but it FEELS like it.
Allegory
OhCecilia
: so, part of the problem...is that a lot of relationships tend to be "lopsided"- one person brings one thing to the table so that the other one doesn't have to
OhCecilia
Alicia ✿
: That's a hilarious line! That said, in my case, I really am being treated as if I'm disposable. I shared what I was going through. I said I was hurt because she didn't respond. And there was no response to that. I'm too sick, both mentally and physically to chase people. If I get silence, that's pretty much being treated as if I'm disposable
OhCecilia
Allegory
: your point definitely has some validity. I think I have a bad habit of being very giving and "enthusiastic" (for lack of a better term) as a friend up front but it's at a level that's not sustainable when time goes on and even less sustainable when I'm going through challenging periods. I think I tend to become friends with people who aren't ok...
OhCecilia
with me shifting gears in that way.
Heather/Sanura🦩
I'm so sorry, I know how much it hurts and sucks to be disposed of. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. 
Amber
OhCecilia
Heather/Sanura🦩
: <3 you're awesome
OhCecilia
Amber
:
Dakota 🐦⬛🪵
OhCecilia
Dakota 🐦⬛🪵
:
Alicia ✿
I feel this. With my ADHD, the dopamine from making a new friend is SUPER high. And I hyperfocus on the new person, love bomb, etc. That kind of friendship is not sustainable. Plus, I am so excited to meet someone who shows a slight interest in me, I don't notice if they're actually good for me or not.
Alicia ✿
Then everything just gets all crazy. lol I'm an awful friend to have.
OhCecilia
Alicia ✿
: omg, YES. You phrased it better than I could. I totally love bomb and don't think about whether or not we're a good fit, ESPECIALLY when it comes to compatibility as far as needs and communication style too. I know I've made friends with people who may be nice, but got invested before I really understood their personality well
Dakota 🐦⬛🪵
I’m the we’re best friends just after meeting oh we’ll chat and hang out and then never talk to them again. This happens to me online more often but the only friends that I mostly have are from places in which I have regular interaction with them.
Dakota 🐦⬛🪵
I feel like the lopsided thing is something that I definitely am usually the one more invested
Alicia ✿
When we discussed this in therapy, my therapist gave me a few coping things to do when confronted with this situation again. I haven't really had the chance to put anything into use, though, because I've been so reclusive. But I'm starting to branch out a little again, and I know it'll be worse when I return to SL.
But I'm starting to branch out a little again, and I know it'll be worse when I return to SL.
Alicia ✿
But for me, I have to be more conscious about how much time I'm investing. Because before, it was me giving up HOURS and hours and hours for someone. And I have to be very conscious about it.
Alicia ✿
Like right now, for example. I was just playing a game with some new friends and old me would stay up until the last one is ready to go. But me today gave myself a cut off time. And I didn't start playing until after I'd had time with the bf and dinner and everything. So that was good. Gold star. 
Alicia ✿
But to go back, I think sometimes we just have to realize that not everyone is a friend the way we want or need them to be. And if they really do only have us around because of what we can do for them, it's ok when they let us go. But if we are the problem, like we love bombed and then got bored when the dopamine wore off, it's education for us.
Alicia ✿
The people who are truly interested in our friendship won't let us go, even when we act like asshats.
OhCecilia
Dakota 🐦⬛🪵
: It sucks!
OhCecilia
Alicia ✿
: that’s really helpful stuff. I think she and I are both to blame in all this, maybe 70% her. I love her to bits and I think the thing that hurts the most is knowing it’s time to let her go. I could go to her and apologize and try to work it out but I’m not sorry and I can’t do the work any longer
OhCecilia
I feel bad about it to some degree. She’s got a lot of good in her and has been a good friend for a good chunk of our friendship but I just don’t have the energy. I can only handle easy people right now. I feel like that makes me sound so shallow but it’s the truth.
OhCecilia
And now that I don’t sl, we have pretty much no common interests any longer
OhCecilia
Sorry I’m rambling! I should be in bed!
Alicia ✿
No, I get it! I lost someone I was very close to for years because we both kind of...idk, we both made a mess of things. Maybe me more than her. And I miss her every single day and hope one day we'll speak again. But I don't have it in me to reach out because I also can only handle easy people right now too.
Alicia ✿
And while she's a good person, I know that reconnecting will likely be a bit difficult. lol I can't do that right now. But maybe one day.
Alicia ✿
I think it's ok to take care of your own mental health first. If the other person wants to reach out, it's ok to not respond, too. Not if you feel like you can't deal with it. I know probably not everyone feels that way, but I do.
Mmw Strangelove
I'm a mega introvert and I'm always impressed by people like you that have his much energy for friends. If I socialize once a month, I'm full up and ready for a recharge. But definitely even for me, one of the reasons I left sl before is that I felt people treated other people like just pixels and it can be very one sided.
Mmw Strangelove
I just try to remember you never really know what other people have going on and it's tough to be pals when you have different values as far as what friendship entails.
OhCecilia
Alicia ✿
: I hate that you know what it's like to go through this, but it also makes me feel like a little bit less of a monster to know you can relate.
OhCecilia
thaumata: Oh, I'm an introvert too (although I think less of one than you). I think that's also part of the not having energy thing. It's already a little tiring to be just a regular friend sometimes, never mind when going through stuff.