although I was thinking previously he might end up jealous of Jamil bc everyone likes him so much it has ended up not being a problem even though in fact everyone likes Jamil so much even more than Yuki realized
not with the teasing. to be clear Yuki has no true sympathy for the teasing. he's a little sorry but he considers it a good thing and is also sure Jamil actually likes it to some extent
but because Yuki himself is kind of in the midst of trying to grow and change himself he can feel for that part of what Jamil and Kalim are trying to do a lot, and how hard it is
Yuki wants to be someone who is needed and brings good into other people's lives so he's trying to support them but is just really happy Jamil appreciates and doesn't just see him as a nosy interloper... MAYBE... HE IS REALLY HELPING...
BUT WE GOT TO THE PART OF THE ANIME WITH YUKI'S BABY FLASHBACKS AND MOELLE WAS LIKE ah I see Yuki and Jamil are the same person right down to the part where their families made them be this other kid's plaything
there's a disconnect there that Yuki can feel a little where Jamil's issues with that position are inherently different with Yuki's issues with that position
I think between Jamil and Vita Yuki will probably spend a lot of time doing thought experiments in his head about 'what if Akito had just kept being my friend and hadn't mcfucking lost it'
but that was a secretly fairly big takeaway he got from 'the problem is you were forced to be subservient to him right?' 'no the problem is he literally can't survive without my help'
which is funny cuz being forced to be subservient isn't quite Yuki's issue with Akito either but it's not NOT something that he might get something out of if they had to switch roles for a week
it's funny actually characters have like straight up compared them ic and that's why Yuki's grandma now but he hasn't really processed that people think he and Jamil are alike
SO IT SORT OT BOILS DOWN TO... Jamil is both a person who is really likable and popular which is its own category in Yuki's head but also someone Yuki really likes and wants to take care of
tho it was much more pronounced after his first threads with both HE FEELS HE IS GETTING TO KNOW ZWEI NOW!!! I think his impression of her is really funny tho cuz if he were asked to describe her personality he would be like. she's lonely and sort of hesitant and cautious and a little awkward but also very earnest and likes being with people a lot. cute
but he likes her a lot, and he likes Echo a lot too. IT IS A GOOD THING HE ALSO LIKES ECHO A LOT cuz otherwise he might be more reserved with Zwei tbh cuz it's effectively telling things to two people
he's embarrassed he talks so much with Zwei cuz he still feels like he somehow gets carried away and bowls her over all the time. he really wants to try to rein it in and focus on her more!!
but he's glad, also, to be getting along with her and it seems like she's getting something out of it too. the thing is that what he REALLY wants to tell her is really hard for him and so as it is he's just telling her more and more sort of as a way to work up to it. rn he still feels like they're really new to each other and don't know each other that well,
but he has... a lot of fear about his words not reaching more or less so the fact that he has already said SO MUCH and Zwei has listened SO MUCH is already super important and meaningful to him
he doesn't have much thoughts on the Echo-Zwei arrangement overall just yet because he just doesn't feel he understands it yet. so he's more curious and trying to adjust to them sharing a body more than anything rn
he wants to know more about their feelings on things and how they'll react to different things and their thoughts and opinions on things and their likes and dislikes etc etc
but yeah sometimes you are part of a weird family and you're cursed, literally or accidentally, and it just how it be, as people shelf you or make you wish you were never born
Yuki definitely initially took 'pretending' to mean like 'I don't actually have any actual emotional investment here and these aren't my real thoughts or personality' but. then Vita said he wanted to keep pretending and he was like. oh. oh it's not that ok
and his GUESS is 'I want to keep having fun pretending to be a person and having fun instead of [ ]' but he's not totally confident and while he knows Vita is like I'm an organ donor not a person he does very much get the sense that he's missing what [ ] really entails, or what it really means to Vita
and he's sort of accepted that Vita might just not tell him and he might just never understand even if Vita tries to tell him again and it sort of scares him that he might just innately not have the capacity to support Vita that way
he would like if Vita could come to a point where he no longer considers it 'pretend' but he doesn't know what that would take or what it would ultimately mean so for now he's just glad he can do this much
he's. he has issues but the people here have mostly been good for those issues. a lot of his whole thing in canon is just diligently putting in effort to grow and improve towards a positive growth arc and he has just picked up that arc from where he was working it and continued working on it in snek
which in some ways has also kind of served as a way to occupy himself productively without stopping to think too hard about his actual circumstances in being here,
but he feels really at home with salamander and he is feeling pppositive about the contributions he is making and his place in the social fabric so to speak
he's not honestly all that bothered tbh that he's not very good at survival skills and has not even slightly managed to wrap his brain around switching to a barter system yet even though he is aware he is lacking in those ways lol
he's kind of on an upswing that's setting up for a downswing but the downswing will probably just go into another upswing, that's more or less the direction his current state is prepped to go in
Nishi
: I saw this and started laughing tbh IT WOULD BE PRETTY FUN/NY TO TALK ABT JESPER THINGS AND VITA THINGS DIRECTLY IN CONJUNCTION WITH ONE ANOTHER CONSIDERING
VITA struck a nerve when teasing Yuki in their first thread so Yuki yelled at him and then felt bad and it just resulted in him saying way more than he intended. and then he continued to say way more than he intended. bc Vita was... genuinely listening
and so somehow that ended up at a point of weird awkward friendship and then the party happened and Yuki was just like [[[tries not to have an anxiety attack and/or leave]]]
bc he DIDN'T KNOW MOST PEOPLE AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO INTERJECT ANYWHERE AND WAS WORRIED ABOUT RUINING THE MOOD AND WAS JUST GENERALLY REALLY NERVOUS AND WIRED ABOUT THE WHOLE THING
basically Vita knows like an abnormal amount about him ARGUABLY AS MUCH AS ZWEI DOES RN, AND YUKI WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO TELL ZWEI THINGS BC HE SAW ZWEI'S LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT MEMORY and still seems to like him so Yuki is. very very attached he likes him a lot
but Jesper is just very confident and likable and gregarious and people like him a lot and Vita specifically likes him a lot probably for the traits he has that Yuki doesn't and Yuki is [DIGS HIMSELF INTO A PETTY LITTLE HOLE]
he has not actually placed that Vita has a crush on Jesper he just think Vita likes Jesper a lot as a friend. I'm not sure if knowing it was a crush would impact his jealousy levels in either direction.
>tell Jesper that he shouldn't look at the profile because using his phone is a taboo >refuse to check the profile or drink and argue about why he shouldn't have to, probably ruining the mood >eat the taboo and do the rating to get out of saying either of the other things
anyway he tried to go along with it in the end because he felt like in general that was the best way of not ruining the entire party by existing, but also he just didn't want to have an extended conversation with Jesper explaining anything about himself,
like going down a full discussion/argument would be kind of a funkillery conversation that he would feel bad and self-conscious about, but he DID tell a couple people that he didn't want to drink and gave a few excuses, including to Eddie who he also wasn't fully comfortable with (before it became a truly neg dynamic)
so while he did feel bad every time he said he didn't plan to drink, it also wasn't like he couldn't say it at all. he just did not want to say it to Jesper. everyone has taboos and objectives and they are public knowledge but he still did not want to verbally acknowledge his to Jesper.
u8nfortunately he is going to get all these ragged hang off mentions from vita abt his fucked up shit bc he's like yuki already knows but nothing direct until forced / something makes it happen bc lmao lmao just splashes of garbage on yuki
he definitely sees how Kalim is very impulsive and sloppy and frustrating and needs to be monitored but he feels like Kalim has also been legitimately helpful to him and cooperative a number of times and it sort of seems to him like Jamil doesn't actually get to see that side of Kalim much or else has more trouble seeing it even when it's there,
he is less worried about Kalim hurting himself than Jamil is, in the way where he figures Kalim can deal with a few scratches or bruises fine. OBVIOUSLY HE GOT MAD AT ITTO ANYWAY but falling out of a tree is more serious and also that happened in his opinion because Itto was being inconsiderate and he already felt like Itto had been being inconsiderate
i've been maintaining a color spreadsheet while reading vignettes and i've noticed that if kalim or jamil appears in one vignette there's like an 80%* chance the other will also show so. "their cr updates are just attached to each other" is valid,
but like he would disagree with Jamil's rule about Kalim not getting to use knives or whatever not because he thinks it's not that likely to be dangerous but because listen he needs to get past the injury stage you can't just ban him from everything with an injury stage no wonder he can't do anything
I forgot what I was saying. HE'S NOT THAT WORRIED ABOUT KALIM YET I GUESS... he has SOME worry about Kalim mostly in the realm of [overprotective guard dog noises]. he may get more in the future. but for now he's more just invested in helping him work to get better at doing things
I was going to move onto the next question but I desperately need to add bc I'm losing it suddenly that Yuki has more urge to take care of Jamil than of Kalim rn
he misses a lot of people a lot and is just not thinking about it as best he can and trying to focus on the now. he has already fucked this up by talking to Zwei and Vita about things that are definitely not the now and he definitely with Vita was like 'why the fuck did I do that I'm such a fucking dumbass why did I have to bring in my baggage'
but he also pretty much knows that there was never going to be a real option to not bring his baggage because he's so fucking upset about being separated from Akito due to curse bond
'getting out' as far as rarely actually seeing Akito but still being in the same like city did not have this same impact but being keenly aware of being WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHERE TOTALLY INACCESSIBLE there is just a part of him that is constantly like
GOD IS LONELY GOD IS SAD GOD IS LONELY WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO GOD'S SIDE GOD MUST BE SO LONELY I FEEL SO BAD I PROMISED TO BE THERE WHY ARE WE NOT AT GOD'S SIDE
anyway he will. eventually just kind of have a breakdown about all the things and people he left behind because he is an overthinker and absolutely cannot sustain not thinking about it
but the fact that he and Kalim sleep in the same room has staved it off extra since he doesn't just have a room to himself that doesn't have Kalim specifically in it to have a breakdown in.
I discovered while looking for the tag where Yuki tells Vita he's not drinking because he's afraid of something that probably wouldn't even be that big of a deal that I missed an entire word in this tag
i do understand that a lifetime of being told that if anyone sees you turn into a rat they will hate you forever makes it difficult to be okay with turning into a rat
I WORRY TALKING ABT YUKI SOMETIMES BC HE HAS LIKE REALLY INTENSE SOMETIMES REALLY ARBITRARY BAD REACTIONS TO THINGS and sometimes I'm like oh no I hope no one thinks their characters are actually doing things wrong or that I am unhappy when in fact I live for his negativity
>refuse to check the profile or drink and argue about why he shouldn't have to, probably ruining the mood
>eat the taboo and do the rating to get out of saying either of the other things