[CW: death/funeral stuff] okay I. need advice.
And praying I don't sound like a complete utter asshole for this.

So, we're trying to give dad his proper funeral, right? But he wanted to be buried in the family tomb in St. Pierre.

and uh, St Pierre is extremely expensive to get to.
Like, would wipe out my current savings expensive.
And then I'd be stuck on the island with no internet or contact to people outside of st pierre, with my family, who though I love constantly trigger me with no mental recourse or escape for a full week, while putting my dad to rest

and then have to probably get home on my own, potentially, and then go back to work

infact I'd need to take a full week off work of my new job which I'm hoping I can stick with cause if I can, it's a really good place to work.

and I'm just.. torn.

can I do this? will I regret not doing this?

I feel like I already made peace with dad's death when we were originally trying to move his ashes to Newfoundland.

like, no matter how I look at it I see this trip as a meltdown waiting to happen.

but would I regret or feel like a terrible daughter for not?

would people look at me like a terrible daughter for not going?

is it mentally healthier for me to maybe take a day off and watch the funeral if they live stream it and let myself grieve instead of trying to juggle everyones volatile emotions?

can I handle and recover that much of a disruption in my mental schedule?

speaking as someone who handles funerals badly, watching the funeral and then making a visit up to pay your respects when you can afford it might be the best recourse. there's no right or wrong way to say goodbye or to pay tribute

^ I second this

you dont sound like an asshole. seems like everyone and their mother has Opinions about How You Should Grieve and i think all of that is bullshit. You process and grieve how you feel is right. if going to this thing is only going to be upsetting and not do anything to help give you closure, it is more than valid to choose to not go and simply

do your private mourning at home

maybe send flowers with your family or something if you feel obligated to Do Something, but funerals are for the living, not the dead, and if you won't get anything out of it, dont go

i think your dad would support you trying to be prudent about saving your money and wanting to make a good impression at this new job by being reliable and available

yeah, same.
that and like... I'd have no escape emotionally from my family.

I love them, they're good people

but fuck they can make me meltdown

and I know the 'lol addicted to the internet' thing is joke worthy for me, but like... not having it is super anxiety inducing. like, ptsd levels for me due to past experience.

as someone who basically has the same issue with 90% of my family (and also needing internet access) and issues with funerals: I don't think you'd be an asshole at all

thank you guys... I really needed to hear that

I love my dad so much, but just... something like this, all at once would be too much.

especially whne I'm trying so hard to do well at this job.

(st pierre does have internet but it's extremely expensive and I wouldn't be able to afford it for crap. Plus you know, french electric codes and such...)

forcing yourself through something that would be miserable for you and drain your savings isn't necessary to love your dad. he's getting laid to rest where he wanted to be, and you still remember and love him. those are the important things

you'd be being an asshole to yourself if you did go, is what it sounds like. please take care of yourself. you deserve it.

okay... I told mom. It just... I legit just started this job, and i'd need to take off 5 days and then go back to work like nothing happened, and not have a meltdown

I know my limits.

good.