ugh. I want to feel enthusiasm. I want to feel enthusiasm for something that is good instead of replaying this thing that is honestly not good

I want to share this thing with people anyway

but everyone is busy being enthusiastic about things that are good

I mean hey I'm down to talk about (what I assume is) Dragon Age being garbage any time

I get that feeling though sometimes you just. [gray static]

I'm not gray static I just. I'm tired.

I want to do something I'm not supposed to do

why are you not supposed to do the thing you want to do?

I just. I have so many Tasks, and doing any of them seems. gray and oozy.

I'm not Not Supposed, just not Supposed

playing dumb games instead of the game I play w my friends is a morally neutral act

if they are Largely Non Critical, it's okay to leave the gray oozy tasks aside for a while!

I will be happy to chatter about ffxiv (and run it with you, if we share a data center) when you feel like returning!

thank u

I just. Christmas weekend did NOT do anything to improve my anxiety

NGL back when we did holidays with my dad's family (stressful although of a different kind) it was always like. until after my birthday that things settled down again

these are the liminal days of the year and it's alright to not know what to do with yourself in them

yeah

i'm actually increasingly thinking that that's like, a thing we need in the calendar, some kind of liminal space in which to become ooze

YEAH

unfortunately we have to eat so not everyone can be ooze at once

but I feel like I've been waiting for a turn for a while

gregorian does it here, obviously, but the space between high holy days in the jewish calendar also seems to have something of that function? like the days leading up to yom kippur also seem to affect people into that weird liminal mindset