Today Paula Stone Williams is a pastoral counselor and woman — but for the first 60 years of her life, Williams identified as male. After coming out as transgender in December 2012, Williams was swiftly fired from a position as an evangelical Christian leader.
In this talk, she reflects about the male privilege she once had and how she's being treated now as a woman. "I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female, and I am learning a lot about my former gender," she says. "I'm here to tell you: The differences are massive."
I was the CEO of a large religious nonprofit, the host of a national television show. I preached in mega churches. I was a successful, well-educated, white American male.
I knew from the time was three or four years of age I was transgender. In my naivety, I thought I got to choose. I thought a gender fairy would arrive and say, "Okay, the time has come!" But alas, no gender fairy arrived, so I just lived my life. I didn't hate being a boy. I just knew I wasn't one.
In 21 states, you can't be fired for being transgender, but in all 50, you can be fired if you're transgender and you work for a religious corporation.
People sometimes ask, "Do you feel 100% like a woman?" And I say, "Well, if you've talked to one transgender person, you've talked to exactly one transgender person. I can't speak for anybody else." I feel 100% like a transgender woman.
She might have an inkling that she's working twice as hard for half as much, but she has no idea how much harder it is for her than it is for the guy in the Brooks Brothers jacket in the office across the hall. I know! I was that guy!
Then came the first time I ever flew as a female. Now, I've flown over 2.3 million miles with American Airlines. I know my way around an airplane. And American was great through my transition, but that does not mean their passengers were.
I was absolutely stunned! I had never been treated like that as a male. I would have said, "I believe that's my seat," and the guy immediately would have looked at his boarding pass and said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I know that because it happened all the time!
Let me tell you another thing I've observed. Apparently, since I became a female, I have become stupid. Yeah, I guess it's the loss of testosterone and the arrival of estrogen that has caused me to lose the brain cells necessary to be a fully functioning adult human.
So, I was in my local Denver bike shop and a young summer employee said, "Can I help?" And I said, "Yeah. Can the frame of an older Gary Fisher mountain bike start to flex and bend enough that it causes the rear break to rub?"
At which point Kyle, the manager of the shop, stepped in. He's such a sweetheart. He said, "I think you're probably right. Let me ask you a question: Do you only get a chirp coming from that rear break when you're pulling hard uphill?"
I said, "Yes, exactly!" He said, "Yeah, that's frame fatigue." I wanted to fall at the feet of Kyle and call him blessed! Someone was taking me seriously!
This happens all the time now. I have to go three or four rounds with someone before I get a direct answer! And there's a deeper issue: the more you're treated as if you don't know what you're talking about, the more you begin to question whether or not you do in fact know what you're talking about, right?
I understand the woman's tendency to doubt herself. Do you ever notice if a woman is in a meeting with a group of men, and she knows she's right, she apologizes for it? She says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think those numbers add up." You know, you don't have to apologize for being right.
Since I'm new to this gender, I asked my good friend Jen. I said, "What are women looking for in men?" She said, "Women are looking for men who will honor our uniqueness, who will realize our gifting is not lesser, it's not weaker, it's just different, it is in fact more comprehensive and it's essential."
Now, of course there are men who do honor women, lots of them, like my good friend and fellow pastor, Mark, who always draws out the best in me and then seems to take pleasure in watching me lead.
To the women, I offer my heartfelt thanks. I often feel like an interloper, a late arrival to the serious work of womanhood, but you show me grace and great mercy. I want you to know you are far more capable than you realize, you are more powerful than you know and you reflect the best parts of what it means to be fully human.
And to you guys who are probably feeling more than a little bit uncomfortable right now - I do understand. I never thought I had privilege, but I did. And so do you.
What can you do? You can believe us when we tell you that we might, we might have equality, but we do not have equity. It is not a level playing field, it never has been. You can be a part of the solution by elevating us to equal footing. You uniquely have that power
And to all of us, do you know who I think about a lot? I think about my brown-skinned daughter, and my brown-skinned daughter-in-law. What do they know that I'm clueless about? What do any of us really know about the shoes in which we have never walked?
It's hard being a woman, it's hard being a transgender woman. As a man, I just didn't know what I didn't know. Would I do it all again? Of course I would, because the call toward authenticity is sacred, it's holy, it's for the greater good.
For 45 years, my father was a fundamentalist pastor. My mother is even more conservative - When I came out as transgender, they rejected me. I thought I would never speak to them again.
Last January, I took a chance and called my dad on his birthday, and he took my call. We talked for about a half hour, and about a month later, I asked if I could come for a visit, and they said yes.
And last spring, I had a delightfully redemptive three-hour visit with them. I've met with them twice since. But that day, toward the end of the conversation, that first day, my father said a number of precious things.
As I stood to go - he said - As I stood to go, he said, "Paula" - He called me Paula - He said, "Paula, I don't understand this, but I am willing to try."
My father is 93 years old, and he's willing to try. What more could I ask? I hugged him so tightly. One man willing to give up his power because he knew what he knew, that he loved his child, and he was willing to do whatever it takes to honor the journey of another. Thank you.
I always knew I was privileged, I just didn't realize exactly how privileged I was. I went to college for free because my father was on the board of directors. That happens for everybody, right?
There are things you don't get. I know, I didn't either. I know you're one of the good guys. I know you work hard to get it right. I know you run the race with integrity, but here's the thing: you started closer to the finish line than anyone else. (Cheers) That's the reality. I know, I did too.
Women in America earn between 53 and 79 cents on the dollar of what men earn. 6.6 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs are female. 4.8 percent of Silicon Valley CEOs. Three percent of venture capital goes to female-owned firms.
You know, the myth is that women don't get raises because they don't ask for them. The reality is they ask for them every bit as often as men do, they just don't get them. That's the reality. I'm sure you've heard a lot of these statistics before, I know I certainly had
So I thought maybe I would bring at least a little bit of my privilege with me in my new life. You know, I could go into a business meeting, and let's say things go sideways in the meeting, and I become angry.
Well, I would be allowed to express my anger. Because certainly as a male, I was allowed to express my anger. It was just a sign of passion for the subject.
But here's the troubling question: Would I have done that if I was still living as a male? I'm not sure I would have. I might have stopped that conversation before it ever even really began. Deference is difficult for men. Deference is not a respected male trait.
And you say, "I'm not a CEO, what can I do?" You know, one single thing would make a huge difference, guys. If in all of your interactions with women, you would assume that a woman knows what she's talking about and treat her accordingly, it would go a very long way.
我會說：嗯～如果你跟一個跨性別說話，你就真的只是在跟「一個」跨性別對話。我不能代表別人。我感覺自己是百分之百的跨性別女人。
只是個人大腦感官認為自己是男性/女性。
我知道，我曾經就是那個男人！
刻板印象認為女的不懂機械。
我說：我知道，事實上，我自己做定期調整。
我說：我的碟盤沒有變形，我知道變形會是甚麼樣子。
他說：嗯是車架金屬疲勞了。
我真想要跪倒在他的腳邊，願神祝福他！終於有人把我當一回事了！
你們有沒有注意過，如果有個女人跟一群男人開會，而她知道自己是對的，她會為此道歉？她會說：我很抱歉，但我不認為這些數字是合理的。
你知道的，你不需要為了正確而道歉。
她說：女人因為我是新加入這個性別的，我問我的好朋友珍：女人對男人有甚麼期待？
她說：女人期待男人尊重我們的獨特之處，了解我們的天賦並不是比較差或比較弱，而是不同於男人，它比較縝密，它很重要。
作為男人的時候，我就是不知道我到底不知道些什麼。我會再一次選擇跨性嗎？我當然會。因為對於真實的召喚是神聖的，是為了更遠大的善。
（救贖是宗教上的意味，講者不愧是牧師，我真的很不懂這句要怎麼翻，請見諒）
這是事實，我知道，因為我以前也是。
這會讓你真的氣到發瘋。
順從對男人來說是困難的，順從不是一個會被尊敬的男性特質。
有一件事就可以成就很大的不同，當你們在跟女人互動的時候，你可以假設她知道她自己在說甚麼，並且依據這個標準對待她，這就是長足的進展了。
我也感受到一股有毒的男子氣概迎面衝來
瘋狂男性說教欸
女人學會更努力爭取會比較有用+1