COWARDS. EDWARD HAS THREE DADS. And Faye is like, "wait, I'm a woman," and then Faye is also like, "wait, nevermind, the thought of someone calling me 'mom' gives me hives, carry on."
Spike and Faye argue every night over who gets to cuddle against Jet's less robotic side until he makes a rotational snuggle chart that hangs on the fridge. The idea that Jet could just not be in the middle never occurs to anyone.
ed makes a dynamic chart with scripts for adjustments if somebodys off-ship or laid up to keep it exactly 50/50 by nights onboard so nobody can complain
ĴÎŊ𝟡ŁȜ ☯ Ħ三ĿĿŠ
: Ed also schedules herself and Ein sporadically into the rotation and their respective places are curled around Jet's head and at his feet. Spike just wants to eat some ass, okay, but Ed has mathematically cockblocked him for the next week.
And, like. Yes, he and Faye could sneak a shower quickie, and he can slip a hand down Jet's pants during a stake-out, and Faye can somehow just sit on either man's lap and get them from soft to hard to teenage-come-in-pants in less than five minutes, but still.
Spike and Faye voluntarily researching fucking bonsai and learning the galaxy's premiere dealer of tiny stupid trees is also a tiny stupid queerphobe. They get arrested for threatening to stick a twig up the jackhole's nose and only get granted bail when Jet throws his reputation around and claims that they're both his spouses.
So now Spike's like, you didn't even ask my father first for my hand in marriage? ("What father? You're the result of someone having a one-night stand with a brillo pad.") And Faye demands a diamond engagement ring. ("You'll get a cubic zirconia, woman, and like it.")
And it's a running joke until someone ends up in the hospital and they need it on paper that they're family. Bonus points if Faye yells at them for marrying her off while she's in a coma, but she doesn't stop admiring the way the light dances off her diamond for, oh, years.
Between the bickering and the casual threats of divorce and violence, they're more functional than most marriages. Faye is forbidden from cooking and she's excused herself from washing anyone's underwear, but she scrubs out the bloodstains from Spike's latest brush with death without prompting. She knows which muscles to knead when Jet's damaged shoulder
is feeling those phantom pains. After she brings a flu-stricken Ed some hot soup from the bodega down the block, Jet kisses her forehead and reminds her that she's a great "wine aunt."
I'm still trying to learn RenPy and my first big brain idea to test out features is a short game where you help Ein navigate the awkward throuple energy. People might even actually give a shit right now, lol.
jet and spike fall into something physical the same way they met: by accidental sporadic degrees and then one shared big score. spike is worried the old man will be weird about it the next morning,
but jet just yells at him for leaving a cum stain the same way he yells at spike for never emptying any ash trays - without malice, but with an exasperated fondness and mild relief at finally sharing a living space with someone again.
so the precedent is set that they can fool around and still be business partners without uncomfortable (read: emotional) complications. it's not monogamous, it isn't romantic. sometimes they light each other's cigarettes in the darkest corner of a dark bar, one cigarette tip sparking the other, and spike will cock a grin like a gun pointed at jet's heart.
but jet believes he's too old and too jaded for mushy stuff like that (you asshole, you're like, only thirty six, shut up) and he buries it like a dog with a sour bone.
and then faye shows up. jet is pissed with himself for being relieved that she and spike have settled into an antagonistic relationship, but because spike is exactly the kind of dopey shit to enjoy teasing the girl he likes
but spike also still comes to jet, and they still have their in-jokes and still share a dinner of leftover-bell pepper-and-beef hot pot every Thursday and still know when to talk the other down and when to back them in a fight.
spike gets the shit kicked out of him by vicious and nearly dies. jet is angry with him, which feels unfair, but faye is also angry with him, which seems insane. she and jet bond over being upset that their resident hairball has an apparent death wish.
from down in his nest of blankets and bandages, spike gives them both a slow blink. "what about you?"
faye's face goes from pink to puce. "you're so eager to throw yourself out of the windows, fine, but you should have done that before involving any of us!"
but jet didn't expect faye to know what these two cowboys sometimes do in the dark. she isn't possessive of spike, she isn't shooting glares at jet when she catches them in the laundry room with someone's cock down a throat. when faye next plays footsie with spike on the couch,
(jet and faye call him "quick shot cowboy" for a solid fucking week until spike drops to his knees in faye's closet of a bedroom and having her bear witness to how fast jet can come with a finger up his gooch.)
and from there faye decides it's just ridiculous to limit herself to one weirdo, and she has seen in-person that jet black is hung like a horse, and she climbs into the man's lap the next time he's trying to fold laundry and spike gives them a round of applause at the end.
then everyone ruins everything by catching feelings but spike does not die post-final battle and so they have time and opportunity to figure out their idiot business
also for Spike, who has loved once and promised Never Again, accepting his feelings for his partners and accepting THEIR feelings for HIM was kinda boiling the frog type of situation.
and poor Faye still believes her position on the Bebop is tenuous, even after all the everything that has happened, and it isn't until Jet mutters something about finding the space for a king-sized bed that the fear finally recedes.
and Jet still has nightmares, sure, about all the times bravado and a badge weren't enough. but now when the horror shakes him awake,, Faye is snoring just beneath his ear and Spike has his cold feet pressed along the backs of Jet's calves, and his mind turns back to the present.
from down in his nest of blankets and bandages, spike gives them both a slow blink. "what about you?"
faye's face goes from pink to puce. "you're so eager to throw yourself out of the windows, fine, but you should have done that before involving any of us!"
faye never does elaborate. she and jet drink in the next room over while spike sleeps the pain off.)