So there is this very nice video of a very nice dude being like "hey don't be rude, not everyone is educated about Bdsm stuff, also here is an explanation"
Because this one chick responded to a question of "where did you get your choker?" with this really rude toned video going "first of all, it's not a choker it's a collar"
bruh that's a really common fashion statement, if someone isn't ass deep in kink they aren't going to jump to the conclusion FIRST THING that it's a lifestyle collar
Like if I as a dom wear a literal dog collar because I put it on myself it is not a Collar But if I put a dainty necklace on a sub with the intent of it being a Bdsm Collar it is more a collar than the literal dog collar is
Also like, forgive me if this is off topic or rude but man if I told someone “hey nice necklace” and they went “actually it’s a sex thing for me” I would instantly want to exit the conversation
like, i don't know shit about the nuances of kink culture, but it always toasts my buns when someone comes into the conversation in the spirit of good faith and learning and someone has to "WELL AKCHUALLY" to them
also, yeah, i thought the point was to be stealthy for most of those items because... it's very much an underground subculture and that's how you get away with not informing the normies?
Yeah sorry I know it’s not necessarily but like the whole submission subculture thing is a thing I have squick surrounding and while I try not to be rude about it like,
Again, if I showed up like “oh hi I’m complimenting what Ithink is a fashion statement” and someone went “actually it’s a sign of submission to my Dom/me” that’s more than I want to know
like, unless we are super tight and talk about this kinda stuff on the daily, i probably don't wanna hear about it from some random stranger on the street
I don’t know if that’s like regressive or kink negative of me but it makes me uneasy, just like, dumping that on a rando who’s just trying to say your jewelry is nice
Yeah okay thanks for the reassurance because like I genuinely have no idea, after being told at length about the sex lives of Many People (like the OP of that video about her choker) without my consent I don’t know what normal boundaries are with kink
Yeah like it was Explained At Me as “if you don’t want to hear about it that’s like not wanting to hear my partner is the same sex, it’s kinkphobic” and I was like “okay” and then I met like, you, a normal human with normal human boundaries
whereas bringing kink into the discussion pretty much automatically does, and even if they are doing that kink in a nonsexual way, it's still telling you about something intimate and private that you don't want to hear about
where the gay guy is just casually talking about his sexual exploits to his coworker and accuses him of being homophobic for being wigged out about it... but the punchline is that his coworker is gay, too, and just doesn't wanna hear about his coworker's personal sex life
Sorry I got distracted but in addition to what QV said she wasn't just replying to a stranger on the street either, a whole ass stranger on God's green internet
Also how hard is it to say "thanks I got it at Spencer's" or "thanks but I got it from an adult site so I can only share the source in a comment or DM"
But as much as I try to point out that these sites are purposely not providing adults with the tools to keep adult topics under wraps people say that I don't care about protecting kids or am the devil or whatever
and now they're doing this thing where even if you purposefully DON'T tag (so your like, idk, ducktales porn doesn't wind up in the main ducktales tag) if you say 'ducktales' in your post the site will pick that up and put it in there ANYWAY
It's literally never how this worked and I hate that the only people who are allowed to "work through trauma" are people who specifically do it in non-sexual, palettable-to-WASPS ways
Yeah and like at the same time I feel like there's a lot of people who have been walking unprepared directly into extremely dark or triggering content because of the algorithm like Ink said with the ducktales porn thing but worse so like
there's that subset of 'good' people who will post really graphic shit completely out in the open like YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS AND BE AWARE AND BE UPSET
honestly this is a very hot take but the people who are like THIS IS ABOUT MY TRAUMA AND ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAUMA CAN MAKE DARK ART tend to be the shittiest about actually tagging/warning/caring about the needs of others
they could BOTH be making art rooted in trauma/working through something but the people who feel the need to beat you over the head with it tend to be much, much harder to deal with
Not to at anyone but the person I've interacted with recently who Would Not Stop Talking About How They Were Working Through Their Trauma with their fanfic was the one who jumped me out of nowhere with their Frozen incest AU and cried when I told them I didn't want to read it
Yeah and like when I was younger I've launched into discussions of some tropes and other bullshit I really liked that turned out to be huge triggers or squicks for the friend I was talking to and I'm pretty sure they never looked at me the same way but like here's the thing
and it doesn't make them sex negative or kinkphobic or whatever you wanna call not liking those specific tropes it just means I should've been better about warning for stuff and I didn't because I was like 16 and a dumbass
It doesn't cost anything to tag shit but it DOES cost a lot that not only are tags not encouraged by most community circles but also the sites themselves the tags mean virtually nothing as Ink has described
you don't always know where your line is until it's crossed, and that's okay, as long as you, like, do your best to learn from it and communicate it better in the future
More people WOULD know where the boundaries are if those boundaries were enforced and encouraged by both the communities and the websites themselves too Like I can write as many content warnings in a Twitter post as I want but there's two caveats to that
One: every new word I add to an image makes it less likely to hit any audience let alone its target audience Two: I am not given the option to purposely, when I choose to, mark my images as being sensitive content
back in ye olde days there were groups and they had moderators and that didn't mean those moderators were always GOOD but you usually had a direct line to someone who was curating the space
Yeah like as much as I love the full anarchy mode of AO3 it is kind of a problem when you get deliberate troll fics posting violent gore and shock images in the transgender headcanon tag or whatever
Like even when people WANT to keep these things sequestered they aren't being given the option And I am fortunate enough that in the circles I run in, I've encountered way more people who are frustrated with the inability to keep others safe than are frustrated with their inability to impose their kinks on everyone, tbh
And then in turn I've also encountered way more people being shamed for posting their work to their own spaces than I have of the aforementioned, too So it really is EVERYONE that is affected
Yeah and like I'm very sorry if I've come across as like, shamey, I've just had the reverse experience where I've had a lot of people shove their kinks at me or my peers and then start hollering when anyone tried to enforce a boundary so like I promise I'm not trying to bothsides anyone but
Like if we have the correctly regulated spaces then the only people that can get mad they saw content they didn't want to see are people who went looking for things they didn't want to see
hot take, but i KNEW as soon as the Tumblr folks started migrating to AO3 and clogging up the tag system with Tumblr type conversation tags, it was all over
The particular audlt communities I was able to trust most (I. E. Frolicon) were all Highly Consent Oriented as well so like. I got the benefit of joining communities that were regulated properly long before I got there
Yeah like I used to be a community manager on a furry porn board so it was Literally My Job to show up when people started imposing their kinks on others so like
It may be a bit of an inspector javert situation where I'm just used to seeing the worst of the worst fucking constantly so I suspect everybody of bullshit
You've got untagged kink on one side and then on the other hside you have 13yos showing off garters and asking if they have fuck me eyes and there is No Fucking Avoiding One or The Other
like okay we all know how i feel about under 18 people being allowed to safely explore their sexuality instead of bieng forced to pretend it doesn't exist but
Once again my "favorite" preteen activity is accusing anyone who disagrees with you a pedophile, even one who tells you that the things you are doing are literally Sex Culture and Not For You and You Need to Cut it Out
A Fresh 18 yo followed my porn acct and I'm like well I guess I can't stop you until you cause trouble but like. He started openly talking about his university and which it was and where on his public after dark Twitter and I'm like
Yeah like we had to fucking drag all the under 18s in the queer community discord I moderate to a "here's how to be safe on the internet!!!" powerpoint we put together after a adult creep tried to solicit all of them for sexy pics
All pedophile means to them is "an Adult I don't Like or Agree with" One of my cousins was talking about a guy who does a lot of videos her kids like was accused of being a pedophile and when she looked into it there were no real allegations except one from a kid who disagreed with on eof his tiktoks
yeah it's really really not great that in a time where kids are basically shoving themselves at ACTUAL pedophiles on silver platters they all have no idea what pedophile means
Like again!! The latest creep in the queer discord I was in tried to frame her interest as "body positivity" and sharing pictures to encourage self love and was always the first to volunteer when one of the younger people said "can someone talk in private"
And I mean I think teens should probably be in spaces moderated by adults rather than other teens sometimes and I do spend a lot of time talking to teens about their problems as a server mod but like
I am specifically there to help talk people of all ages through navigating being a queer man!! Whereas like, in another setting maybe going to someone ten years older than you about that kind of problem would be, weird,
Because this one chick responded to a question of "where did you get your choker?" with this really rude toned video going "first of all, it's not a choker it's a collar"
But if I put a dainty necklace on a sub with the intent of it being a Bdsm Collar it is more a collar than the literal dog collar is
Goths wear collars all the time and no one assumes Every Goth is someone's sub
Especially with kink, which is KNOWN to be obscure because of the KNOWN almost universal lack of sex education like fucking everywhere
normie collaringBABE IMTho that doesn't mean it's not kink oriented
Still, the way the algorithm works, non-kink people are still gonna see her not-obviously-or-tagged-kink vids
Like I can write as many content warnings in a Twitter post as I want but there's two caveats to that
Two: I am not given the option to purposely, when I choose to, mark my images as being sensitive content
And I am fortunate enough that in the circles I run in, I've encountered way more people who are frustrated with the inability to keep others safe than are frustrated with their inability to impose their kinks on everyone, tbh
So it really is EVERYONE that is affected
Protect your fucking location
One of my cousins was talking about a guy who does a lot of videos her kids like was accused of being a pedophile and when she looked into it there were no real allegations except one from a kid who disagreed with on eof his tiktoks
But I'm seriously gonna put a "21+ only" caveat on that I can't with these kids I do not have the energy to guide them AND myself
Fuck I still don't trust adults