L'Cygna Tovah
god I fucking. fell asleep again and woke up at like 11. and now it's 3:30 and I've done. nothing?
L'Cygna Tovah
I read Bladework
L'Cygna Tovah
uh
L'Cygna Tovah
that's about it
L'Cygna Tovah
I hate this. I feel so useless.
L'Cygna Tovah
but I don't know what I'm supposed to DO, other than Not This
L'Cygna Tovah
I'm in such a state of sustained uselessness that there's nothing I'm working on
skerple
hmm - can I make a suggestion?
L'Cygna Tovah
yes please
skerple
bear with me while I fit words around it
skerple
well I'm failing to find a way to say this that can't accidentally come across as "just stop being useless" so, bearing in mind that the preceding is NOT what I mean: see if you can find, or make up, some small project
skerple
it doesn't have to be writing, or anything else that you're feeling pressure to be able to do again; in fact, it should be specifically not that
skerple
build a thing out of toothpicks and glue, or record all the variations on some line in a video game, or make a goal to read X number of books
skerple
something low-stakes and low-effort that you aren't already feeling guilty about
skerple
just as sort of... dopamine training wheels? does that make sense?
L'Cygna Tovah
hmm
L'Cygna Tovah
crosses books off the list
L'Cygna Tovah
because I AM already feeling super guilty about that
skerple
just for the practice of Doing a Task with Parameters
skerple
nods, makes sense
skerple
my reasoning here is, guilt is a HORRIBLE motivator
skerple
I drove myself into a years-long artistic burnout by trying to motivate myself with guilt
skerple
and I'm only recovering now, slowly, due to a combination of factors
skerple
like in MY situation part of it is that my dad drives himself neurotic worrying about my disabled homebody mom, and so my being present in the house to just be on hand if she needs me brings him a lot of peace of mind, and he is quick to remind me of that whenever I start making noises about feeling useless or worthless, so that helps me a lot--
skerple
--but it's also a specific home situation so I don't know how to give you advice on replicating THAT feeling
skerple
but another big thing that helps is just finding SOMETHING no-pressure to do just for the hell of it
skerple
like keeping houseplants just because I want houseplants
skerple
or sometimes I'll even do a chore that isn't usually my responsibility, just to have it done and get the warm fuzzy of surprising the person who usually does it
skerple
or quite often it is just setting a small goal in FF14 and then doing it, lmao
L'Cygna Tovah
lol
skerple
or playing short puzzle games
L'Cygna Tovah
I guess I've kind of been doing that w/genshin
L'Cygna Tovah
but then I run into So Many Games Decisions Aaah
skerple
THAT IS INDEED A THING
skerple
anyway yeah the short of it is, if you feel shitty about not having anything you're working on but also being paralyzed by the guilt of not working on anything, trick your brain into letting you work on something that it doesn't already feel bad about, and then you get to work on something
skerple
maybe even just grab a coloring book or something. bonus, you can then hang up your colored pages where you can see them as concrete proof that you did a thing
L'Cygna Tovah
gotta think about. stupid tasks.
L'Cygna Tovah
or make like. specific ffxiv goals other than "do the twelve million grinds"
L'Cygna Tovah
I do have, like, functions in the household, but most of them are occasional - carrying objects over 10 pounds, using the (manual) can opener, opening jars/bottles, getting things out from under furniture
L'Cygna Tovah
plus, like, dishwasher stuff, putting away groceries, which is more regular but only sometimes need to be done
L'Cygna Tovah
god it's 6 am and I should have been sleeping but instead I have this urge to do data entry
L'Cygna Tovah
I don't have any data to enter
L'Cygna Tovah
but that's the kind of brain mood I'm in
skerple
I FEEL YOU, sometimes you wanna do some really specific stupid task
skerple
one time I noticed that there were different in-character messages in FF7 classic for when you tried to teach a level 4 limit to somebody who couldn't learn it, vs. when you tried to teach it to the right person at the wrong time, vs. when you successfully taught it
skerple
so I devoted a wholeass playthrough to just collecting those lines
skerple
also, those household functions are about on par with/slightly above mine! if that helps.