[tmi] WORSE THAN YESTERDAY'S.

Okay. Okay. Used the restroom at a bagel shop. Thought I had a liquid torrent of IBS ready to shoot, but it was just a hot fart. Cool, I think. I begin to wipe. I need to fart again while my hand is back there. I fart. My sphincter rattles like a boiling tea kettle. Oh no.

Pull my hand back and it's covered in a brown sheen.

being biological is suffering

oh dear

Oh my god

having a crisis on the toilet of a Mr. Bagel

honestly I touch fecal matter regularly thanks to kittens and understand that it's just bacterial matter that can be easily sanitized away, but just something different about you blasting your own hand with a complicated butt sneeze.

TOUCHING YOUR OWN POOP IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO SOMEONE

^^^

i'm sorry all i can think is I WAS A WHEEL IN A WAR MACHINE, NOW I'M A TOILET IN A RESTAURANT