DO YOU WANT TO OWN A PIECE OF ORIGINAL ART AND HAVE LOW STANDARDS FOR ITS DELIVERY AND EXECUTION? Welcome to the LUXURY BONES FUNDRAISER I'm doing to cover the costs of my dog's upcoming dental procedure. Details inside! Feel free to replurk!

Meet Ferris! He's an eight year old Catahoula mix who recently stepped up to become my mobility assistance service animal after my car accident in January. He's been my constant companion since puppyhood. A bosom brother. My dearest friend.

But dear Ferris has broken a tooth somehow and needs it extracted before infection sets into the exposed pulp and makes life more difficult and painful for everyone. Absolute hogshit that this has happened to such a good boy, but we must persevere.

If you donate $15 to my PayPal before July 31st, I will PAINT FOR YOU a small piece of absurdist art and MAIL IT DIRECTLY TO YOUR HOME. It will be painted on Target's finest clearanced canvas and it will be ugly and terrible. It will also be tooth related because everyone loves a theme.

(True story: my local Target purged their art supplies a few months back to make room for the newest marketing iteration of their craft line. I bought eighty-something canvases for pennies each. I am equipped to create a constant flow of bad ideas.)

LUXURY BONE FUND

Here is the Google form to submit your information after sending along your donation to bizgotballs@gmail.com. I've included a way to forewarn me to avoid certain subject matter, but besides some Body Horror Lite, I will not be sending out otherwise politically contentious, gruesome, or sexual artwork.

(Unless you specifically prompt me. Do you want a pair of breasts with teeth for nipples? I can do that. Who's going to stop us?)

"biz do you have a gallery so we can see what to expect from you" sweats nervously.

If you have already found my PayPal address and sent me some dollars, please fill out this form so I can still send a thank-you gift for your kindness.

FIRST ROUND OF PAINTINGS should go out by Friday at the latest! My Medicare covered new glasses. I'm picking them up this afternoon and then I can see well enough to do more than slap down base colors, ha ha.

I'll be scanning them, so you can all enjoy.

Hello fren, I have sent you extra monies because shipping to Canada.