I came to a depressing realization about my past last night, right before I went to sleep

I'm incredibly twitchy about doing things and sharing things I like with people because I used to get judged for them a lot. Most of it was friendly "lol you're doing that " sort of judgement, but it's still judgement

like, back when I was in high school, my friends and I would go to the local anime convention. and one year I spent a lot of time in the video game room and my best friend at the time sort of poked at me for it

and I can look back at it now and go "ffs, I was playing video games I don't have another chance to play in a place for that, leave me alone" but at the time I just felt like I'd done something wrong

nobody judges like high schoolers :\ that sucks

i... feel this very. very deeply

i still reflexively dont want to talk about my hobbies for very similar reasons

someone: what are you doing?
me: arches back and hisses even if i'm doing something innocent

oh, yeah, same

it doesn't help that my interests are just enough off from my parents that I can't reccommend many things to them, while they gush over things they like

(it took me ages to even watch Lucifer because they'd go on and on about it)