Neo Quinn
today I learned the core motive given to the aliens by Ancient Aliens and it sent me to the fucking astral plane to commune with alien gods
Neo Quinn
the premise goes
Neo Quinn
aliens genetically engineered humanity as a slave race
Neo Quinn
bred them in a genetic playground, then guided their entire civilization
Neo Quinn
after having a massive civil war about whether or not to give us sapience
Neo Quinn
and the reason for this
Neo Quinn
the war, the millennia-long genetic engineering project?
Neo Quinn
gold
Neo Quinn
we're supposed to mine gold and give it to the aliens
pastel ranma
wat
✶ 𝐇𝐨𝐇𝐨𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐨!
JojaDogeFriend
ғᴏxʏᴍᴏʀᴏɴ
Neo Quinn
they can cross the galaxy and create and destroy life as they see fit
moontouched
WHAT
Neo Quinn
but strip mining?
Neo Quinn
too hard
Neo Quinn
make an entire new species to do it for us
moontouched
??????????
Neo Quinn
gotta get that gold
pastel ranma
even beyond that, they can't just artificially make gold with that tech level?!
Neo Quinn
no
ғᴏxʏᴍᴏʀᴏɴ
aliens are real, buy gold
Neo Quinn
the only good ancient aliens story is the futurama episode where it turns out that the egyptians taught the aliens how to make pyramids
kamikasei
The pyramid thing is fucking hilarious because it's like how mysterious and suspicious that multiple supposedly unrelated cultures independently came up with the idea of monuments of piled stone that start wide at the base and get narrow as they go up
Uncle Royd
https://images.plurk.com/7zCN2BxFl5pbRXs0rITAHw.png
Neo Quinn
a lot of ancient aliens lore comes down to "it's impossible for brown people to invent things"
Neo Quinn
wait there are HOW many seasons
moontouched
it's so funny because like pyramids are
moontouched
kind of the easiest shape
moontouched
like you just pile shit up and put less shit on top than you do on the bottom
moontouched
a toddler can do it
moontouched
it's not out of the question to think that several civilisations would be like "damn i love making giant triangles"
moontouched
"they're such an easy shape to make"
kamikasei
Yeah like the techniques used to construct them are neat but the fact that they're a recurring motif is the opposite of surprising
RobotApocalypse
it's sort of like being shocked that multiple unrelated cultures independently came up with the idea of "using symbols to store information in a physical form so people can access it when you aren't there to speak it to them"
RobotApocalypse
which is a much more complex idea but you don't really see anybody going "it was aliens!" when talking about the invention of writing
Rama
I'm about 90% sure that Ancient Aliens is reverse-psychology scientology
Rama
Selling you the ridiculous parts first instead of couching it in fake psychiatry
Neo Quinn
my favorite thing about pyramid construction was that one old ancient egyptian city sim game that taught me how they (supposedly?) made sure the bases were perfectly level
Neo Quinn
it's a very clever trick
Neo Quinn
that requires no alien tech
Rama
Mostly because I'm pretty sure the gold thing came up in Battlefield Earth
RobotApocalypse
is it pouring water to see where it runs to?

that's a complete blind guess based on logic alone
Neo Quinn
it's water based but a little more complex than that
Neo Quinn
dig a grid of trenches at the base
Neo Quinn
pour water in
Neo Quinn
mark where the water level is
Neo Quinn
cut down to that point
Neo Quinn
fill in the trenches
Neo Quinn
perfectly level ground
RobotApocalypse
oho, that is really clever!
RobotApocalypse
people act like ancient cultures couldn't invent simple solutions to complex problems but like. an ancient greek dude estimated the circumference of the earth within something like 500 feet of accuracy using basically a sundial
RobotApocalypse
ancient peoples were just as clever as modern peoples
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