Quinn Angstrom
today I learned the core motive given to the aliens by Ancient Aliens and it sent me to the fucking astral plane to commune with alien gods
Quinn Angstrom
the premise goes
Quinn Angstrom
aliens genetically engineered humanity as a slave race
Quinn Angstrom
bred them in a genetic playground, then guided their entire civilization
Quinn Angstrom
after having a massive civil war about whether or not to give us sapience
Quinn Angstrom
and the reason for this
Quinn Angstrom
the war, the millennia-long genetic engineering project?
Quinn Angstrom
gold
Quinn Angstrom
we're supposed to mine gold and give it to the aliens
pastel ranma
wat
✶ 天鈿女命
Doge-lover Joja
ғᴏxʏᴍᴏʀᴏɴ
Quinn Angstrom
they can cross the galaxy and create and destroy life as they see fit
moontouched
WHAT
Quinn Angstrom
but strip mining?
Quinn Angstrom
too hard
Quinn Angstrom
make an entire new species to do it for us
moontouched
??????????
Quinn Angstrom
gotta get that gold
pastel ranma
even beyond that, they can't just artificially make gold with that tech level?!
Quinn Angstrom
no
ғᴏxʏᴍᴏʀᴏɴ
aliens are real, buy gold
Quinn Angstrom
the only good ancient aliens story is the futurama episode where it turns out that the egyptians taught the aliens how to make pyramids
kamikasei
The pyramid thing is fucking hilarious because it's like how mysterious and suspicious that multiple supposedly unrelated cultures independently came up with the idea of monuments of piled stone that start wide at the base and get narrow as they go up
Villain
https://images.plurk.com/7zCN2BxFl5pbRXs0rITAHw.png
Quinn Angstrom
a lot of ancient aliens lore comes down to "it's impossible for brown people to invent things"
Quinn Angstrom
wait there are HOW many seasons
moontouched
it's so funny because like pyramids are
moontouched
kind of the easiest shape
moontouched
like you just pile shit up and put less shit on top than you do on the bottom
moontouched
a toddler can do it
moontouched
it's not out of the question to think that several civilisations would be like "damn i love making giant triangles"
moontouched
"they're such an easy shape to make"
kamikasei
Yeah like the techniques used to construct them are neat but the fact that they're a recurring motif is the opposite of surprising
RobotApocalypse
it's sort of like being shocked that multiple unrelated cultures independently came up with the idea of "using symbols to store information in a physical form so people can access it when you aren't there to speak it to them"
RobotApocalypse
which is a much more complex idea but you don't really see anybody going "it was aliens!" when talking about the invention of writing
Rama
I'm about 90% sure that Ancient Aliens is reverse-psychology scientology
Rama
Selling you the ridiculous parts first instead of couching it in fake psychiatry
Quinn Angstrom
my favorite thing about pyramid construction was that one old ancient egyptian city sim game that taught me how they (supposedly?) made sure the bases were perfectly level
Quinn Angstrom
it's a very clever trick
Quinn Angstrom
that requires no alien tech
Rama
Mostly because I'm pretty sure the gold thing came up in Battlefield Earth
RobotApocalypse
is it pouring water to see where it runs to?

that's a complete blind guess based on logic alone
Quinn Angstrom
it's water based but a little more complex than that
Quinn Angstrom
dig a grid of trenches at the base
Quinn Angstrom
pour water in
Quinn Angstrom
mark where the water level is
Quinn Angstrom
cut down to that point
Quinn Angstrom
fill in the trenches
Quinn Angstrom
perfectly level ground
RobotApocalypse
oho, that is really clever!
RobotApocalypse
people act like ancient cultures couldn't invent simple solutions to complex problems but like. an ancient greek dude estimated the circumference of the earth within something like 500 feet of accuracy using basically a sundial
RobotApocalypse
ancient peoples were just as clever as modern peoples
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