sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:42 AM
[pet illness/death, rp]
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:42 AM
Sent an update to my vet today since it's been two weeks since Sheba's diagnosis
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:42 AM
she's the same as she was two weeks ago, no changes, so it's still the waiting game
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:42 AM
Part of me is like... I should dive back into RP right now even though I have a hiatus up
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:42 AM
But another part of me thinks that would.. jinx it somehow??
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:43 AM
Like I'll get back into RP and then Sheba will take her inevitable turn for the worse
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:43 AM
vet said she had "months" at best, but more likely weeks
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:43 AM
it's basically constant emotional adrenaline where I feel fine for long stretches and then I'm just emotionally devistated all over again
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:43 AM
bc she seems fine. she has no idea anything is wrong
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:43 AM
with my last two cats it was easier because they were obviously suffering
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:44 AM
this is constantly doubting myself. "am I doing the right thing? she seems fine" even though I know she isn't. She just can't feel the pain yet.
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:44 AM
so I'm like "should I try to RP now so I don't have to use my hiatus this month"
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:44 AM
"how emotionally damaged for how long will I be when she dies"
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:44 AM
etc etc etc
BIG DAD ENERGY
@redfirelight
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:46 AM
hhhh im sorry woman :-(
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:47 AM
https://images.plurk.com/9QPzXE2oCKekjTY3P34uF.jpg here she is just being my cute old lady two days ago
ѕтσям¢αℓℓєя
@jackets
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:47 AM
anticipatory grief is real. you should take as much time to yourself as you need
BIG DAD ENERGY
@redfirelight
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:49 AM
^^ seconding
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:50 AM
I keep trying to remind myself that the reason she's not in pain is because I'm doing my job and making sure she doesn't feel any. But that also makes it way harder if that makes sense
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:50 AM
I feel like I'm murdering her in a way, even though I know that's not correct.
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:51 AM
"She seems fine!"
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:51 AM
so it just becomes this emotional circle that I try to distract with reading fanfic and replaying Mass Effect
BIG DAD ENERGY
@redfirelight
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:56 AM
https://imgs.plurk.com/QzJ/sRX/a02dXEKsLXRML5PobTAYBLFx2Za_lg.jpg
BIG DAD ENERGY
@redfirelight
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:56 AM
you sent it to me now i sent it to you
BIG DAD ENERGY
@redfirelight
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:56 AM
you're doing your job just right
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:58 AM
I know logically
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:58 AM
emotionally it's kicking my ass
sᴀʟᴛʙɪᴀɴ
@Zully
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:58 AM
and the anticipatory thing is a bag of dicks. I'm not good at not being able to do anything
BIG DAD ENERGY
@redfirelight
Fri, Mar 26, 2021 5:59 AM
it'd be great if emotions and logic could get their shit together and agree :-(
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