So I just messaged someone I used to know and they automatically said (without going into I context because that doesn't particularly matter in this) "Just so you can get x? Leave me alone."
I've never wanted to be the kind of person who only talks you people when I want something and that's it. I'm bad at keeping in touch with people, but when I message someone after a long point of time, it's almost always because I've been bad about it and wanted to just talk again.
Partially because I do actually consider this person a friend even if we haven't spoken in a while and honestly I was going to ask for a favor. But I also know how rude that can come off as considering it's been a while.
A-Are you me? I feel like I've had this exact conversation, and then I feel like such a horrible human being and I just want to curl up in a ball of sads.
And I feel bad because I did actually want something from it which is what I've been trying not to be like, so I'm just sort of angry at myself for letting get this way....
It's been a while since we spoke and its not 100% losing a "friend" if we were still even that. It's me in my mind thinking about how I'm a fucking screw up and I ruin everything myself eventually feeling....
Look, I think it's totally okay. Friends look out for each other, and if someone feels like they're being used in a friendship, then perhaps it is for the best if they don't remain friends. It REALLY hurts, but for what it's worth you can feel free to use me for whatever it is you ever use me for even if it's just shippy feels now and then
I know... I can't get angry about it because they have every right to feel like I'm just using them for what's happened because they're not exactly wrong... I just hate that that's how it turned out and I could have avoided it if I tried harder
I don't know if I explain this super well, but life is hectic! There are a TON of people that you might be friends with, especially if you're a social butterfly, and it's incredibly hard to keep track of all those friends, especially when you're struggling just to keep your own shit together.
It's like when I was at the hospital before here in inventory, it was the first job that I ever felt like I really wasn't fit for and I did a lot of things wrong despite trying my best every time
I went in every day wondering what I was going to get yelled at for that day... Every day thinking about how my bitchy ass coworker would piss me off...
It's incredibly easy to get trapped in a cycle of "But what if" and you might be able to reflect on it an improve, but I honestly think it's more harmful than helpful than to dwell on it too much. I honestly don't feel like you deserve that, but I don't really know the situation well enough to say for sure.
But when my boss would come up to me and say "why did this thing happen" and yell at me, she absolutely had every right in those moments besides maybe a few
I had to quit the job because it was too stressful and I felt like I couldn't do anything right there no matter how hard i tried. And my mental health dipped to an all time low there so I had to get away from it for my own sake
And I agree with pfle giving them space and respecting their wishes is ALSO a way of showing that your friendship did mean more to you than just whatever you were using them for. Maybe they'll come back around, maybe they won't, but I don't feel like you're the kind of person who heartlessly uses anyone.
Honestly if they don't come back around I would understand. It's not like we were super close lately anymore. I'm just trying to be as respectful as I can be.
agreed, i don't think you'd use anyone either, i think that person just sounds frustrated and definitely needs some space. i'm so sorry that happened to you!!
It just sort of stings because I've lost a number of friends over the years because they didn't ever tell me if something was wrong and didn't want to try to work things out so I guess I'm just sensitive to it.. In this situation, this is definitely different than the usual but it still hurts.
I'd get to the point where I'd try to explain what happened and my thoughts, but then just close my mouth and not bother because they'd only take it as an excuse anyway.
Maybe it was another excuse, but it was me trying to explain why I did something or messed up on something because I didn't realize I did it wrong or it was an honest mistake. But then at that point they'd just hear it as "this is just an excuse to try to her yourself out of trouble without any real reason" so I stopped bothering.
That sounds really painful, and it's understandable that you'd be sensitive. It always really stings where you get shut down like that. I don't think explaining your perspective is an excuse, either. It's the only way we can understand where a person is/was coming from, and what happened.
It's unfortunate that they're not understanding about it. You've been under a ton of stress, but I know it's hard for people to understand when they're not in your position.
I F--ing hate losing friends, especially when I've hurt their feelings and don't even realize I've done so, and I can't apologize because they won't let me. Like... I still care about them, and worry about them because I still think of them like they were my friend, and I want to make them feel better, but my words will only make things worse?
Try and go easy on yourself. It's painful, and we've all been under a lot of stress and struggling just to get by - I know I've just completely fallen out with a lot of my friends over the past year.
/hugs. just echoing what everyone is saying. Stuff happens and it's unpredictable. Sometimes, what you thought wasn't such a big deal or that not talking to someone for a while is okay and then you reach out to them and get something like that. I know this feeling and I've been through it.
Luna, I really don't think you're the type to use people. And I'll just echo everyone else and say 2020 was a rough year so please forgive yourself, as we should all be forgiving each other, for whatever happened then. With all that said, people who don't communicate when they're mad aren't the ones you want to be friends with anyway. It makes you feel
even if it's just shippy feels now and then