[RP/vent]

i really want to RP. like. really want to get into RP again

but I can't summon the energy to actually... get into it anywhere?

like i have executive dysfunction/motivation fail SPECIFICALLY about the getting started process

in the last month there have been two things that I really wanted to join (noctium and asher's thing) and I just haven't! been! able! to motivation!

i realize that I'm very low-key about it because it's very... passive for me? but man depression has been kicking my ASS for the last couple months

(passive as in, my primary symptom is the exedys with a large side of ahedonia, to go, and go, and go, and go, rather than anything like. suicidal ideation)

but god sure do wish i could find joy in things again!

... it also really doesn't help that covid hit just as I was hitting my "ABSOLUTELY need new stimulation" threshold and it's now been. a year. since then. in which i have gone to zero new places and done zero new things

Unfortunately The Covid's Still Here

Oof, similar feels

takes your hands

i want to do things! but i have no idea how to start things and I usually just do not vibe with 1x1 psls

Meanwhile I'm over here like I want a new character but I don't have a new character

I have SEVERAL new characters that do NOT have icons

Ahhh the worst

which is, as we all know, the true suffering

at least i've been making good on my fic writing.... dead stares the 10K I've written this week and three things I've shoved out