Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 4:43 PM
[cw: drinking stuff] weird anxiety trigger
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 4:44 PM
I'm not drinking but it's also been difficult to keep myself honest
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 4:44 PM
and the fact I've been poorly the past few days with headaches and shit is triggering the type of anxiety I get when I DO drink
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 4:44 PM
which is super dumb
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 4:45 PM
I think I'm worried people will think I'm drinking??
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 4:45 PM
Like I don't have enough to worry about
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 4:45 PM
so I know I need to take it easy and figure out why I can't get rid of these headaches but I'm also like NO I CAN'T DEVIATE FROM MY WELL BEHAVIOR
spicy mycophile
@Zoharial
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 5:04 PM
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:37 PM
That is definitely a thing I went through when I was recovering from painkiller addiction back in the late '00s
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:53 PM
V O I D M O T H : I appreciate some validation
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:53 PM
I've always been really bad at letting myself take time
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:53 PM
and this is a fun discovery
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:56 PM
The need to Perform so that people won't start worrying about me or judging me was overwhelming a lot of the time
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:56 PM
Today I am not doing anything useful unless I WANT to. AND THAT'S OK
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:56 PM
Still is 12 years later tbh, but now I have a LOT better tools to handle it
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:56 PM
Yeah
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:56 PM
YES that's SUPER important
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:56 PM
thank you, and congrats also
*˜ɓuıʎɟıʇsʎɯ•°
@film_geek
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:57 PM
Luke Skywanker : this is a mood to not do anything useful. I feel a bit burn out. Also I support ya. <3
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:57 PM
Seriously it's an issue anyway which is probably why I started drinking to begin with
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:57 PM
I keep thinking, "my life isn't that hard, I do not need this"

but life is hard
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:57 PM
YEP
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:58 PM
I discovered after a massive surgery that the painkillers turned the volume down on the world for me and that they allowed me to perform socially without the crippling anxiety
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:58 PM
So I just...found reasons to keep taking them
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:58 PM
So I get really down on myself when I "am not productive" which is not a standard I hold anyone else to
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:58 PM
oh God, yeah. that makes sense
V O I D M O T H
@ExpositionFairy
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:58 PM
Yeah
Luke Skywanker
@original_fine
Thu, Jan 14, 2021 8:59 PM
friend: I played video games all day
me: I wish I could do that

also me: how dare you play video games that's for other people
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