

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I've seen Superman Returns before years ago and didn't think much of it, but giving it another shot after immediately watching the Reeves movie is something


ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
they crib so much from the Reeves movies in ways I couldn't recognize before

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
the titles, the music, the Marlon Brando

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
Brandon Routh literally just paraphrased a line from Superman IV

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
lois describing Clark as "well, Clark" is def from one of the movies

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
hilariously I think it's also from Superman IV

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
kevin spacey being described as a monster was a little satisfying in the beginning

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
also, Kevin Spacey is already in a completely different movie

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
in both tone and plot

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
whatever faults of this movie I will never lay at the feet of the cast

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
i'm so happy brandon got to be superman again

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I still need to see it, but one day, lol

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
even from the grave they are bilking Marlon Brando

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
also, hot take, Superman IV is a horrible movie that is a lot of fun to watch

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
Superman III is a million times worse

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
yessss I was laughing about that yesterday when I was watching it

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I honestly thought that if they'd been able to do what they wanted to with IV it would have been decent

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I liked the subplots and even the idea of nuclear man

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
it was just... cheaply made and as a result had plot holes you could drive a truck through

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
poor Richard Pryor apparently was a huge fan and wanted to do something dramatic for a change

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
and got that instead

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
also, Kevin Spacey and Jesse Eisenberg must have gotten the same Lex wig

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
because he is now wearing a long haired wavy brown wig

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
there's been more action in the first hour of this movie than all 4 Reeve movies like... 8 times over

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I mean i'm sure there isn't as time goes on

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
but action movies the Reeve movies are not

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
the most action is probably 4? and it's hilariously awful

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
and sad superhero punching

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
Anand the smoking line from the first one

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I give Man of Steel shit for washing out colors, but holy crap this movie does it too

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
his cape looks fucking brown

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
this movie was made in 2006 but sometimes I feel like i can see blue screen around the edges of Brandon flying

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
like goddamn Reeve movies were trying their best, what's their excuse?

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
watching james Marsden in this

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
i'm trying to figure out if it's a net positive or negative that he gave up being in X3 for this

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
yes

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
nope

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
and that's another line from superman the first one

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I can't believe there's still an hour to this movie

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
because it just feels like it's about to hit the third act

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
and there's 0 reason for that to be that long

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
though every evil henchman should play the piano with a child

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
how much movie did this film have for a special effect that bad

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
money**

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
because that "sky turns green" effect was like a fan film

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
that boy absolutely murdered that henchman

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I know but now he's going to have to live with murder forever

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
with ask these random plot contrivances, i'm shocked metropolis isn't dead long before superman gets back

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
all these*

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I feel like if there needed to be bechdel test for dudes, james Marsdens character wouldn't pass

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
like he's a dude with a name but only exists to bitch about superman, it feels like

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
she has a type

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
though I do have to ask if Richards parents worked at the money factory and he got an amazing inheritance

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
either that or newspapers in 2006 were making a lot more money than I expected

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
there's 0 reason for Routh to yell "i'm still superman" when he does (which I blame on the script)

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
kevin spacey is kicking the shit out of him, one of the dudes grabs his face and he starts yelling it

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I have subtitles on, so it isn't like I misheard the line

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
so the first half of this movie is Reeve allusions

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
the second half is blatant christ metaphors

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
and that line was so bizarre it threw me

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
if kitty wanted to prevent lex from making more crystal islands

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
maybe dumping said crystals into the ground of the island about to fall back into the ocean

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
wasn't the best idea

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
also superman totally killed kal penn and those other guys

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
okay so the island is going up not down but the crystals could still easily fall back into the ocean so my point still stands

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
okay Routh quoting Brando to Jason is good

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
definitely better than I remembered

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
but there was absolutely no reason for that movie to be two and a half hours

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
also, having seen the donner cut and not the theatrical cut of Superman II, I forgot that the Donner cut moves some scenes around, and this thing I was reading raises a very good point

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
if this is Superman II, how can Jason be super if Clark wasn't when they did it?

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
in the Donner cut, the sex is what compels him to become human, but from what i understand, it's the other way around in the theatrical cut

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
aah

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I'd believe that

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
I mean if Clark is giving him "the father becomes the son, the son becomes the father" Brando speech, there is absolutely no other way to take it

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋɢᴜᴀʀᴅ ʙᴏʏ
even if that kid didn't murder someone with a piano