he was in total solitary and sensory deprivation for most of a few centuries and it's just really easy for his brain to be like, hmmm, remember all those times I disintegrated from lack of input?
Dancy, 1. favorite album - in Dancy's Box of Stuff salvaged from her house before she burned it down, there's a cassette tape of Patsy Cline songs that she clearly recorded off the radio, with a handwritten peeling lable
she likes the soft rumble and the smell of kudzu and the streetlights drifting past, I think it's one of the few things in her life that's been very soothing
and a place where she could rest without some church lady threatening to turn the hose on her or a shopkeeper coming at her with a broom for being homeless and driving away customers on his step
she didn't grow up with like...an arguing culture, or an expectation that people who disagreed with her would listen to her, or that it was worth her energy to try to convince them
so many people were shitty to her about this for no reason and like fuck will she change for them even though she has no attachment to it otherwise and it's actually quite painful for her sometimes (sunburns, etc)
he doesn't have very much of what our culture would call toxic masculinity but he definitely has a giant unfair self-disgust about having this fear that he mentally designates as for children, even though it's literally based on centuries of trauma
ironicaly in terms of like, being able to function like an adult, he's much better at gritting his teeth in darkness than he is at not flipping out about low-empathy people, which is the thing he actually should probably work on, but which he considers to be completely sensible moral judgement on his part
a lot of which is rooted in his hypocritical black-and-white division of the world into "people that are trying their best and shaped by their environment and just need the right game incentives to do better" and "monsters, like me and kujen"
on the other hand Jedao has very little attachment to Stuff, except for like, a few sentimental things like the deck of cards his sister gave him, his signature gun and sword, etc
which is like, on the one hand a fair response to tyranny given his circumstances, but on the other hand also a symptom of his own bad desensitization to violence and dehumanization, and he needs to roll that back a little
also there's an extra layer of like, bitter/jealous sort of resentment that's like "you were born in a planet that WASN"T locked into a millennium of thoughtcrime and torture calendar, and you decided to grow up to be a despot anyway, what a FUCKING WASTE OF THE GIFT OF A NON HEPTARCHATE LIFE"
He does have some extremely legitimate objections to that kind of behavior. But, also, I cannot help but laugh at his sincere belief that people growing up in a less horrible dystopia than his own have NO EXCUSE for being power-hungry despots
You know what would be great: a Deadpool flood, in which your internal narration of events is projected behind you for everyone to see. In yellow boxes. Breaking of fourth walls optional.
Jedao is shy about perscribing actual meds partly because I think he's tried them and just got "having nightmares but can't wake up for his trouble", so
blackberries thohas he ever in his whole existence given himself a break