A rant, brought to you by spiraling thoughts when I took the dog out to pee. (some mental health stuff in here but nothing bad)

so bujo has been helping me stay on track with a lot of stuff

since I decided fuck it I'm getting my shit together in May

but I still can't seem to fit everything in.

I'm consistently not spending any time doing the bluprint classes I'd like to do, not exercising or reading or meditating

I know once the gyms open back up and the boyfriend graduates from PT (3 weeks hopefully!) I'll get back to exercising properly though

but I am unfortunately one of those people who wants to learn all the things and do all the things!!! but like how do I find enough time in the day

and I go back to the copper mine this week which is three at least 11 hour days a week when you factor in the commute

and I'm lucky I can spend time doing non work things during work hours the other two days a week

and I feel like there are so many people I know that manage to do so much more than me?? even working more hours???

and I usually hear that they don't sleep much. I tried that. you know what it got me?

A diagnosis of chronic sleep deprivation and an anxiety disorder.

can I hurry up and retire already so I can spend time doing all the hobbies??

anyway that's all

tldr: I wish I was one of the lucky people who don't need 8 hours of sleep a night to be a functional human

I feel that

also there's no way to say this without sounding judgey but a lot of people with free time aren't in jobs that require as much mental load or aren't as demanding

so either you get the guy who has mental energy left at the end of the day because he hasn't drained it all solving problems at work

or the girl with an office job that doesn't have much to do and also doesn't have to account for every productive minute so she can work on her nanowrimo or take an online class or whatever on the clock

I'm having reasonably good success with adding one thing at a time like this year I added draw once a day then after that was a habit I started doing a calm meditation once a day when quarantine started

I'm not writing yet or studying Japanese like j would like but it's two things more than last year and adding them in one at a time helped. I actually tried japanese first then switched to meditation because the Japanese was making me anxious about progress and I didn't need that in my head rn

yeah you're right about that and no it doesn't sound judgy.

I haven't had pop in 10 days so that's cool

and I only missed one day on my daily tarot but I caught up the next day. Saturday was just a weird day.

Yeah I was one of those people who had the long ass job hours plus commute. So everything else suffered, I didn't sleep, I was a stressed out disaster, I had no time for any hobbies. Between work, errands, the sick parents all that I had no time for me.

I've started on Britt's plan. One thing at a time. So last year was going to a yoga class, this year is get back into writing.

I think it's the only way not to be overwhelmed. and some days I only do a quick sketch it's not nice. sometimes I spend 15 min if I'm feeling it but the point is doing it and that one thing added is less scary than 10 things