I wanna paint but I just feel so... drained tonight. [mute for talk of body things]

dysphoria hit hard tonight. I'm lucky to have a partner who loves me despite my flaws and my perceived flaws but still. It sucks. I didn't ask to be born in this body. I didn't ask to be born so far away from someone I love. I didn't ask for this life.

I hate that it's hard to find a fucking binder that works. I didn't ask to have a chest that is difficult to make flat. I hate that it gave me hell through all of middleschool and highschool.

I shouldn't even HAVE this chest.

I hate that I can't wear nice dress shirts and look smart and cool the way I want to

I hate that having them makes me feel doubly fat