+ Bonus: IRL Trauma ~~~ Okay things I don't talk about: my abusive sister that hospitalized me 4 times, trust me wait it out, it's related.
CChuuni
+ Bonus: IRL Trauma ~~~ Okay things I don't talk about: my abusive sister that hospitalized me 4 times, trust me wait it out, it's related.
+ Bonus: IRL Trauma ~~~ Okay things I don't talk about: my abusive sister that hospitalized me 4 times, trust me wait it out, it's related.
CChuuni
THIS IS NOT TO SAY ANYONE READING THIS IS DOING WRONG, HAS DONE WRONG, OR THAT I NEED YOU ALL TO CHANGE
CChuuni
this is about me and myself
CChuuni
and my sister (who also abused Moosey)
CChuuni
And I probably should have been VERY VERY blunt with it before, but I only told Sharon because she's met my sister and knows a good portion of the bullshit she does/did/hasn't stopped
CChuuni
AKA: That Amber Heard thing so I also empathize harder with Johnny Depp
CChuuni
Double Also: IF I START HAVING PROBLEMS I WILL TELL YOU but right now I'm just worried I overreact because buttons? Understand? Okay good. Memorize it.
CChuuni
Severe physical abuse aside (see top)
CChuuni
The part that pissed me off most was how much she always made me feel like I was the one who did wrong.
CChuuni
If she bit me, it was my fault, because I should be stronger/better
CChuuni
When she punched me in the neck so many times repeatedly, my left side became immobilized, I had to spend 2 weeks laid out and miss Mao Hamlet (I was Claudius which was a huge deal because I was only a Freshman but I know Shakespeare really well, and I was learning from the director -- which was my SECRET ambition at the time) + 5 months in physical therapy
CChuuni
My Mom said if it ever happened again she would call the cops
CChuuni
I was 14. But I was SO MESSED UP MENTALLY I didn't realize my Mom meant to protect Me I thought she meant to arrest me because 
I'm an idiot and that's what abuse does
I'm an idiot and that's what abuse does
CChuuni
So aside from blaming myself
CChuuni
the other WORST THING about my sister is how she tries to control - people around us - WHICH Moosey and Sharon can testify to but it gets bad.
CChuuni
When I was little I thought I just sucked at making friends and moving all the time burned me out, etc.
CChuuni
That was only part of it.
CChuuni
She would also purposely alienate new friends from me whenever she could in order to make me spend time with her and be dependent on her and that way she could control me
CChuuni
I HAVE ONE VIDEO UP ON MY YOUTUBE
CChuuni
Because When I read TZP I realized it was identical to my sister and I started bawling. And I DO NOT CRY EASILY. I'm very emotionally repressed. A good portion because of my sister
CChuuni
I DO NOT HAVE A FACEBOOK -- WHY? It's not because I wouldn't like to talk to high school friends even if they're all rich and famous and CEOs and nuclear physicists now
CChuuni
It's very purely simply I know my sister would use it to control me
CChuuni
She's really good at framing everything that happens; WHEN SHE GETS IN FIGHTS WITH ME or yells at ME or punches ME, as my fault to everyone around her
CChuuni
In my early 20s my grandmother, who has done nothing but give her exorbitant out of this world love and support constantly; admitted that as a teen and child if I'd told her 1/100th of what my sister put me through, she wouldn't have believed it, but now she KNEW I was always covering up for her because that's how I AM.
CChuuni
And yeah, she's stolen from my parents, my grandparents, by all rights she probably should be in jail and isn't SOLELY because 1) she's female 2) my family is keeping her out by the skin of her teeth
CChuuni
Moosey and I don't talk to her
CChuuni
Kyle won't let her near me or in our apartments
CChuuni
thank fuck
CChuuni
~ safe space ~
CChuuni
But I vividly remember when she'd actually assault me, she would somehow con adults into trying to guilt and force me into being nice and apologizing to her and trying to send her letters and cards or presents so that she still felt loved
CChuuni
CChuuni
I HAD THERAPISTS TRY TO CONVINCE ME THAT
CChuuni
"She just wants to be friends with you, CC"
CChuuni
I got really livid a few years back because there was a public case of an abusive female and her supporters kept telling the male victim to apologize to her
CChuuni
I had to keep meticulous records until my late 20s because my Mom was abused as a child, repressed it heavily, started having flashbacks when my sister was purposely triggering them -> and so my Mom doesn't have memory and my sister gaslights the fuck out of people. And I mean that in the TRADITIONAL sense not as a tumblrism
CChuuni
TwitLonger — When you talk too much for Twitte... 5 years old, don't read unless you thrive on emotionally drawn on pain and drama but the point is, my consistency is there so I'm not just making this up on the fly for idk. E-points or some shit.
CChuuni
AGAIN, no one has to change what they're doing
CChuuni
THIS IS ABOUT ME
CChuuni
IT MAKES ME WORRY THAT I AM TOO SENSITIVE AND HAVE A HAIR TRIGGER REACTION
CChuuni
I'm working on it and I'm not asking you all to point me when I fly off the handle; just understand IF I do, it's not because you suck 
it's because I was abused and the scars run deeper than I admit. Because that's what abuse does. It fucks you up.
it's because I was abused and the scars run deeper than I admit. Because that's what abuse does. It fucks you up.
Murgy
/hugs
Murgy
I know we just met ish but I am always always around if you need an ear
CChuuni
Thanks ^_^ I'm okay, and sorry to dump all that heavy nonsense -_-' It's why I don't normally but it's reached a level I think it's genuinely unfair of me to sit on just because it IS part of why I might be a little
Thanks ^_^ I'm okay, and sorry to dump all that heavy nonsense -_-' It's why I don't normally but it's reached a level I think it's genuinely unfair of me to sit on just because it IS part of why I might be a little
CChuuni
intense /ahem!
CChuuni
Abuse is Control, Not Love
LITERALLY MY ONLY VIDEO because it was that important to me and wow the quality is awful and my voice is weird ick
MooseChangerPat
Yeah... sometimes like the dumb abuse victim I am I go "Oh but what about all the good times we've had? I should reach out to her." And thank fuck I befriended Matt (My abuser's ex) because he keeps me sane and grounded and reminds me "Nah bro, she used to physically and emotionally abuse me daily, and that's when you thought she was okay."
CChuuni
In fact NO ONE WATCH THAT
CChuuni
uuuuuugh
CChuuni
yeah
CChuuni
YEAH
CChuuni
Every time I thought she was doing better it was only because she had a different punching bag
MooseChangerPat
CChuuni
Loved by Alexander Ocias
play this game instead
CChuuni
I should note too; she would purposely call me Christopher and mock how masculine I am which is part of my
CChuuni
I don't generally give a fuck when people assume I'm male on the internet and I generally don't say "Oh I'm female" unless I get REALLY fed up
Murgy
I'm not going to watch the videos but I understand why Rose is intense
CChuuni
but ^ Moosey named me CC and I changed my name to that. So people who love me call me CC
CChuuni
YEAH It's just I'm not worried about my Rose being off
CChuuni
but I know ooc since she was bugging another character on purpose (Lady Me) and other people are like "ROSE JUST LEAVE HER ALONE" I'm pulling my cheek that it's not similar just similar enough I have to constantly put everything into boxes of "this is Rose, this is me"
CChuuni
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE GOING BACK TO MY SISTER
CChuuni
She alienates help and friends and uses people up
CChuuni
Billy Joel - Laura (Audio)
a mild non-violent, non-alcoholic version of her
CChuuni
And ROSE IS KIND OF DUMB ABOUT FAMILY AND HOW NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND (unless you run away from them FOREVER for the one who would be alone otherwise :VVVVV)
CChuuni
WHICH ISN'T TO SAY
CChuuni
Rose is letting LM abuse her or even get to her she's not
CChuuni
just OOC CC has to compartmentalize other characters trying to help LM/Rose and it's funny because Rose DID SAY "Get outside help/arbitration :V" and ICly is all "WELL AT LEAST SHE IS REACHING OUT"
CChuuni
I'm just trying not to go grey all "BUT IS SHE? SHE IS NOT CHANGING ANYTHING, SHE IS JUST TRYING TO FORCE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ahhhhhhhh" and like I said. BOXES. Rose. CC.
CChuuni
Related: I don't have PTSD (I wasn't as badly abused as Moosey, just more violently because I snapped and started fighting back after years of my army Dad telling me to)
CChuuni
so I can play Kilgrave and find it cathartic / funny :V and again, I'm not like "AHHHH THIS IS TRIGGERING ME AHHHHHHHH" I'm not. 100% not.
CChuuni
Just seriously having to continually remind myself what is me, what is Rose.
CChuuni
Murgy
: and depending on 10 still, Rose might go to Jack and Ianto's and be like "can I curl by your fireplace in my sleeping bag? uwu"
Murgy
Ianto will bend a room for her
CChuuni
daw :3
CChuuni
She would demand cuddles though if she's not by the fireplace as a wolf
Murgy
she can have all the cuddles she wants
CChuuni
\o/
CChuuni
I also have to figure out how much she'd reveal/talk/ask about Lady Me because Jack and her hate each other worse than LM hates Rose 
CChuuni
BUT PLUS Jack and Ianto let Rose BE the youngest of them and not have to be the MATURE ADULT / parent / etc. so
CChuuni
she could let her fully brattyness out which she hasn't done in over a year
CChuuni
bonus Ianto gets along with 4 so
CChuuni
Actually would you mind terribly if I set up a log for that?
Murgy
not at all! go for it
MooseChangerPat
Funny story? Dad was telling you to fight back, and for the longest time I didn't fight back. Then when I finally did Dad beat the crap out of me and told me "YOU DON'T HIT GIRLS!" I don't regret it though, and I'm okay with what my dad did. After that, Laura knew she couldn't touch me anymore, and I learned not to hit girls.
CChuuni
yup