(cw baby)

i keep getting like so frustrated and i feel like everything is out of control and i cant even scream or cry bc i can feel the heavy impact of my reactions echoing out of me and i just

like when i was a teen this kind of frustration just led to cutting bc i needed an outlet that also had to be a secret which was impossible in a house of 8 ppl

but im grown now so instead of that I just close my eyes real tight and pretend to scream (like i do it but i dont put my voice into it). and punch myself in the stomach until i have to just lay on the floor and gasp for air until it passes

its like a panic attack but its full of rage and sorrow instead of anxiety. maybe a different kind of anxiety. anyway it doesnt leave a bruise so i recommend. do u ever feel like youll actually never grow up and you cant fit into the world and maybe u should just leave it but u cant

im trapped, by love, i guess. i dk thinking about this has got me nauseous i should have never tried to stop drinking