he's presented as this genius asshole playboy and one of his first lines is like "i'd be out of a job with peace" and then he's like WELP THE BAD GUYS HAVE MY WEAPONS TIME TO STOP MAKING WEAPONS FOREVER IMMEDIATELY
he also like, he creates a ton of suits, the suits become a problem, he destroys the suits. he makes the sentinels, the sentinels also become a problem and by IW he doesn't have any anymore
i actually really enjoy tony stark as a character by himself in a vacuum but i think the most frustrating thing is that like 90% of people seem to miss the point of him as a character/his character arcs/exactly what it is that makes him great (ie the things you've listed here)
oh yeah, Tony is like 80% bullshit and he's a privileged white man who is also a genius, so he's like, insufferable. but he does his best within his somewhat limited emotional range
and like, one thing I find very frustrating about the MCU is that Tony's friends never seem to be in synch with Tony's Very Obvious Emotional Distress. But Tony finds ways to deal with them anyway.
I feel like Pepper is, but I love their relationship because sometimes it means she walks away from him to make him understand he needs to get his shit together.
but in IM3 Tony is dealing with INTENSE PTSD and has a violent nightmare and hasn't been sleeping, and instead of trying to address that Pepper is like "U SLEEP WITH UR STUPID ROBOT BYE"
see I liked that because it felt like the argument they had but #4,395 with regards to 1. you know Tony's only therapist is talking to Bruce who is the wrong kind of doctor 2. he clearly does use Iron Man as a big old defense mechanism back in IM1 3. Tony Stark is shit at dealing with his feelings
so the part in IW where Pepper has to deal with Tony putting a thing in his chest again with this exasperated "hmn, you know I have Opinions about this but I want you to be safe" is my jam. Because it means they had long conversations off screen to deal with it.
so like, he first had to have a breakdown and almost lose Pepper and blow up all of his suit for someone to be "maybe you should talk to a professional" and for Tony to go like "yah ttly i know a doctor"
it was rough but I felt really IC for everyone, especially on the heels of IM2 where people were like "please stop self-destructing" and Tony's response is to shoot an airhorn as he heelies backwards
he has people who love him but who make no effort to understand or empathize with his mental state. and it's ofc partly tony's fault because he's Really Dumb emotionally, and he says he's fine and cracks jokes and GOD TONY PLEASE.
IN IW HE SEEMS VERY OKAY for an entire scene and he has his security blanket and Pepper is :/ but she Gets It, and they seem to be in a very good place. So it does look like things get addressed offscreen between Civil War and Homecoming
Pity Tony was right all along and even though he tried super hard he still failed and now he's gonna be miserable while also working himself to death to enact whatever plan he hatched with Strange.
Tony, every movie since the Avengers. "THE BAD GUYS WILL COME BACK" Tony, 5 minutes before the bad guys come back. "Maybe the bad guys won't come back"
She is, like, 90% of his impulse control.
1. you know Tony's only therapist is talking to Bruce who is the wrong kind of doctor
2. he clearly does use Iron Man as a big old defense mechanism back in IM1
3. Tony Stark is shit at dealing with his feelings