My cousin is cutting off all communication with me because my brother also decided not to go to her wedding.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
My cousin is cutting off all communication with me because my brother also decided not to go to her wedding.
My cousin is cutting off all communication with me because my brother also decided not to go to her wedding.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
At least, I suspect that triggered it.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
She gave me a laundry list including "not getting over your abuse and coming to my wedding"
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
also my mother apparently told HER that I'm cheating on my husband
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
what in the living hell
hair cryptid
:|
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I'm so tired you guys
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
part of me was just like
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
"Okay, bye."
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
but I'm actually trying to have a civil conversation with a 26 year old bridezilla
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
She's mad at me for not coming to see her and I'm like
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
"WITH WHAT MONEY"
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
"I GRADUATED COLLEGE AND IMMEDIATELY BOUGHT A HOUSE"
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
"MY MORTGAGE IS INSANE."
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
and she's made because I live in VA and that's like
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
FRIENDO THAT IS WHERE MY HUSBAND WORKS
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
and actually i'd made plans to see here this coming June so that kinda blindsided me
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
SPOILER ALERT
"get over your abuse" wow fuck you
🌿🍋
oh my god what the hell
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
🌿🍋
"could have made it work" oh honey. that's ... lol
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Yeah I'm just like.
🌿🍋
if she cared enough to even attempt to keep shit from going down? she was gonna have a bad wedding
SPOILER ALERT
I care about you! That's why I want my special day to be horrific for you personally and a terrible memory with real world repercussions
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
right.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
And the main reason I don't want to go is I don't want her to have to deal with that!
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Like, I know my mother will cause a fucking scene!
miles you ass
What in the whole fuck
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I understand that she wants me to be there; I get it. And I get that she's hurt that my brother's not going either (though I mean my brother's a dick)
SPOILER ALERT
that's like asking your bridesmaids to each cut off one leg for a nice flamingo theme
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I don't feel really frustrated or anxious about this. just sad and tired.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
And a little angry that she doesn't like my relationship with my dad
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
because my mom tried so hard to prevent that relationship
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I was telling Alex, I hate feeling like a failure for being unable to maintain relationships with my family
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I hate feeling like I'm the only person on earth who hasn't got a family.
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
the comment about your dad's family was just wrong
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
like... just... unfair and unnecessary
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
if you're communicating and in touch with your father's family and not with her side of things, then she should consider that clearly you want to be with your family... but that isn't entirely up to you
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
and that that side has probably made things hostile, such as by pulling nonsense like this
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
letting bygones be bygones for a day at a wedding is for two adults who had an adult argument and are holding grudges
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
not for abusers to get a chance at the victims of their abuse and survivors to have to sit for hours on end in fear, discomfort, and anxiety for reasons they literally can't control because someone's an abusive fucker
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
🌿🍋
your response was so well worded, you handled that very well
HOCKEY SEASON
Found family is just as much a legitimate family as blood, sometimes more because you choose to be around them. Never forget that.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I feel like i'm even screwing up my found family, tbh
HOCKEY SEASON
I think they would deny that.
SPOILER ALERT
Oh... man, I feel exactly the same way about my family
SPOILER ALERT
haha, I guess neither of us is the ONLY person on the planet who doesn't get to have a family
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
found family is amazing.
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
and yes, agreed, your response was really well worded
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
I only said what I said to well, be someone else saying stuff like that
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
sometimes it helps if it comes from outside your own head, she says with some experience on that one
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
lol she basically said "I get it but nothing you said changes things"
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
so I'm out.
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
yeah
ALEX NO
yeah, fuck her.
ALEX NO
I'm sorry, but that's what it boils down to. fuck her. you deserve better than that.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I'm seeing from her a bad habit i had to break for myself, which is rather than just saying what's bothering you, you need to create a huge list of issues and "win"
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
If she had said "I want you to come to my wedding, it hurts that you won't", I would have gone.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
But I don't negotiate with emotional terrorists.
ғᴏʟᴋ ʙᴀʀᴅ
also she's doing a lot of complaining about how you don't come see her, but has she tried to come see you instead?
ғᴏʟᴋ ʙᴀʀᴅ
if she really wanted to see you that badly she could have made the effort herself.
ғᴏʟᴋ ʙᴀʀᴅ
this just makes it seem like your brother set her off and exactly what you said, she needed to "win" something
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
yeah
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I'm really disturbed that she led off with "I don't want to argue"
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
because that means she's picking up habits from her mother and mine.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Mike and I argue, but it's usually super short lived and about stupid things. For important things, we communicate.
🌿🍋
my mom and her close friend separated similarly, with the whole "you haven't called me. never mind that I haven't called you and act annoyed when you do call me" but meanwhile still tries to keep in touch with ME as if buying me shit is supposed to fix what she did to my mom
🌿🍋
when people put all the emotional burden on you they are not worth it.
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
also 'I don't want to argue' really just boils down to 'I want you to listen at me bitch at you and not hear anything bakc
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
it's really 'I don't want to be argued WITH because I think I'm right'
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
she's made all kinds of bullshit assumptions about you and why you're doing things and they're all so terribly petty and cruel-minded and unkind. like... that speaks WAY more about her than it does about you
FʀɪᴇɴᴅIɴYᴇʟʟᴏᴡ
people assume the kind of shitty thinking they'd do themselves usually
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
This is pretty par for the course for my family
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
They argue to win, not to resolve.
StupidSexyV⚠der
yeah you don't need this
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I'm about five seconds from having a full-blown anxiety attack about this because of that nasty feeling that I'm unable to maintain family relationships or friendships
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I don't have kids
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I have Mike.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Maybe I'm this broken person who can't handle having family..
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
on the other hand, I'm angry because not one of these people has tried to help me.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Not one of them reached out, no one tried to stop my mother from drinking or beating me
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
They're all so fucking consumed with their personal lives that I got lost in the cracks, and then got angry when I showed no loyalty.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Because I am loyal; I'm loyal to Alex and Mike, certainly.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
And Kim.
🌿🍋
their difficulty in accepting that a member of their family is shit, is not your fault
Corpse Sniffer
im p sure i dont know the whole story but you handled that a lot better than i would've
Corpse Sniffer
it sounds a lot like 'well im able to put aside this person is an abusive piece of shit, why cant you'
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Honestly, the more I think about this, the angrier I am, because none of my people would ever ask me to confront my abuser if I wasn't comfortable doing so
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Certainly they wouldn't ask me to fly out of state and be without my support system while I do it.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Nor would they put me in a situation where I have to smile and behave properly or I'm trashed by everyone.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I think it's time I started demanding more of the people who want to be friends with me, or want my loyalty.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Simply telling me I'm not doing enough when there's been no effort on someone else's part isn't going to cut it. And sure as shit if you never talk to me, I'm not going to talk to you.
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I have too much going on to worry about people who can't be fussed about me.
Corpse Sniffer
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
I'm angry it's fine
ᴇᴠɪᴇ
Evieshka Miller on Twitter
StupidSexyV⚠der
Your family taught you that 'family' couldn't be trusted and then they are surprised and shocked when you pull away. The problem is NOT you
StupidSexyV⚠der
Evie, it's them. Period.
StupidSexyV⚠der
You can maintain relationships with people who you trust and who treat you with respect. Coming from what you did, that is amazing and
StupidSexyV⚠der
Shows so much strength.