[mute...????]

god i really don't want this plurk to sound like complaining bc it's more confusion than anything, so i guess i'll preface it with that

it's a weird feeling when you find out that people you like, never.... really thought you had an ill interaction with have a problem w u? like when you've barely had any interactions w them and find out later from a friend that they don't like u or something

I mean, whatever, bc like, not everyone can like you, you know?? it's not really a 'damn how dare they' thing

it's just a like 'huh... what... did i do...?'

bc like i... i know i'm abrasive and talk a lot haha, I DON'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO LIKE, ADORE ME

but i do try to be genial and cordial on the day-to-day

then again apparently my tone isn't as genial and cordial as I'd like it to sound and i need to work on it

but

I DUNNO

it's not an angry feeling

just a weird one

it might just be a personality clash

YEAH IT'S JUST a lot of the time i think of myself as like. not.... imposing

like there have been a few people who definitely aren't bad but still get under my skin

and then i get a reminder

that actually i am Loud

i think my weirdness comes less from "why wouldn't they like me?" and more "Why doesn't this line up with my perception of what I put forward?"

like I always think of myself as being kind of too lazy to put myself into people's business but then, i learn that sometimes i overstep in conversation without intending to or even thinking about it

and it's not like... hm... maybe it's like, a feeling of dissonance?

rather than a negative feel

like when you're playing a wrong chord but you can't figure out which note was off