[TW: Pet death, TW: Eye Horror/Mom Bullshit] ...So we had to put Nermal to sleep.

She had a prolapse in her eye which kind of made it burst on itself.

Suffice to say I was in bits this morning, called in work to say I wouldn't attend today because the last thing a kid wants to see is the girl hosting their birthday party in tears all morning.

...Annoyingly however we went to the pet store and whilst I went off to go grab some supplies for Dipper as I was running low, I found mom had made a surprise purchase.

...I now have a guinea pig. Like I get her intentions and all...but this is really soon.

Then later on she says "So have you forgiven me yet?" Me : "For what...? Nermal's eye was damaged there's nothing we could do."

Me : "Besides she could have easily died through surgery too so we did the kindest thing."

But it's always this kind of thing with her... "SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG, I WILL MAGICALLY THROW MONEY AT /TREAT ABI AND SHE WILL LOVE ME AGAIN." ...I've snapped at her over this before and yet she continues to do it.

And on top of all that I hate she takes charge of things I want to be in control of.

She refused to let me pay Nermal's vet bill even though I had the cash there.

She went and paid for a majority of my Disney trip last year even though I had the cash all saved for it out of my own pocket.

And it was her who bought my Ukulele when I knew exactly what model I wanted etc She just went ahead and did it all without my permission.

But if I lose my cool with her I'm somehow the bad person for wanting to be independant away from her.

I'm so sorry, Abi.

It sucks I just want to drop off the face of the planet right now but also...my main source of contact is via the one platform I want to vanish from.

(Hugs) It's okay if you need to take a few days for yourself. We'll be here when you get back.

I just have no where else to go other than the internet for means of escape.

...guinea pigs are pretty high maintenance afaik, that is not something you just thrust on a grieving hamster owner. what the fuck

103 FOOLS : I've had guinea pigs before so it's not really an issue...but yeah like I've literally had no time to grieve and when I did cry in front of my family I was laughed at because "it's just a hamster."

...Yes because that's exactly what you say to someone who is never going to be able to have children of her own, because of many personal reasons.

Once again I'm gonna say it... it pisses me off no one wants to help fund a woman who lives with such a toxic abusive family and make a life for herself but you know will totally fund tits fucking mcgee so she can make more sexy cosplays for her fans etc.

I'm pissed off to fuckery I cannot advance to anything unless I hook up with someone who can support me. And I don't even have that.

God, fuck your family. Now I'm getting flashbacks to when my psych teacher told me my turtle dying was no excuse to fall behind on my schoolwork even though I was crying in and out of classes all day

So yeah...bitter laughing at it all with the family, making out I'll be okay because I'm always scared I'll get kicked out with no where to live.

I'm so sorry for this bullshit you're going through

The fucking hugest irony in my life is I don't know who the fuck I am... I have to pretend to be someone else all the fucking time.

I have to pretend I'm happy with my family. I cosplay/roleplay to escape the fact I have the worst fucking family, I have to put on this whole act with everyone when in reality I'm the biggest bag of nerves going... hell I haven't even told you what I dealt with yesterday.

Flashbacks to being bullied at school basically....because I tried standing up to a bunch of gobby teenagers who screeched and swore at each other and was constantly throwing stuff on the train only for it to back fire and then them star taking the piss out of my weight, stutter and lisp.

No one else who kept rolling their eyes at them even did anything to help or defend me.

...I just fucking hate people.