Platinum
[Secret Empire] Series is just about over. And it looks like it saved all its stupid for this issue.
Platinum
So, they record a message in a time capsule. Bury it for a hundred years. After a hundred years, it goes up, sends a message into space, and then sends that message back in time.
Platinum
So they can show it off in the places that you can't send information in and out of, like the Darkforce-covered New York
Platinum
It doesn't make any more sense when the characters say it.
Platinum
Also:
really, sam?
Platinum
you're the guy who, two episodes ago, had been saying that everyone should give up and let HYDRA run things because it was too hard to fight back and the best you could do is run the underground railroad
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Anyhow, Spencer's decided that it doesn't matter that they don't have all of the Cosmic Cube fragments because each fragment can alter reality just a little on their own
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AI Tony is somehow still alive after being caught in a nuke.
Platinum
Oh my God, Spencer, how much bullshit are you going to pull out of your ass?
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So
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Star Lord and Rocket Raccoon go out into space
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And steal some weapons to get through the space shield keeping the space heroes on Earth.
Platinum
*away from Earth, rather
Platinum
Platinum
I don't think we ever see any of this, btw
Sugar and Booze
...hello I would've rather watched Rocket stealing stuff from Annihilus
Sugar and Booze
Or Dr. Strange doing weird shit
Platinum
Well
Platinum
Platinum
what Strange did
Sugar and Booze
...what
Platinum
yeah
Platinum
I think it's supposed to be funny.
Christmas Shard
I'm pretty convinced there's a cosmic reset button going to happen at some point.
Platinum
So, FalCap duels some fighter jets and tricks them into fighting each other, except one jet has a slot that opens in the cockpit so the RICO can pull out a sniper rifle and kill Sam with it.
Platinum
Platinum
So Sam gets shot, the Anti-Darkforce spell fails, and the bomb doesn't breach the planetary shields
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Except Quasar magically wakes up at the last instant and Sam wills his Cube fragment to bring himself back to life (Oh, like we weren't expecting that)
Platinum
And where Doctor Strange fails, Maria Hill succeeds by tracking down the last of the Pleasant Hill prisoners, who was actually Blackout, and killing him.
Platinum
And Bucky somehow managed to survive being strapped to an exploding rocket in Thunderbolts.
Tad Cooper
Platinum
Namor's been secretly hiding him the entire time and only pretending to bow and scrape to HYDRA!
Platinum
And Wakanda was apparently conquered offscrene.
Platinum
How do you conquer Wakanda off-screen?
Platinum
Anyhow, the last two pages:
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Kobik being the seemingly-shattered cosmic cube
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Oh, and the reason the Chitauri were attacking Earth was because their queen eggs were on Earth. So as soon as the shield fell, Carol blew up the eggs.
Platinum
That won't piss off the aliens, Carol
Platinum
Worst Captain Marvel
Platinum
Including the one whose power was to split apart like a cheap Barbie knockoff
Platinum
so, yeah
kaylin
How is this stupid event still going on?!
Platinum
This is the first of three releases in August.
tsukuyomi tsimp
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