[tw: mental health/self harm] so it turns out the muscle relaxant I was on was doing some stuff to my brain and making for some seriously intrusive thoughts.

I had only been on it for about a month and a half but the weeks where I was using it every day was not doing me any favors.

I only figured this out about yesterday or so that it was probably the cause since the specific thought pattern I had been having was only after it had been in my system for awhile.

regardless of current severity of pain.

omg D"

D:*

oh no intrusive thoughts are the worst I hope you find something that helps

oh jeez, that sounds like the last thing you need

crikey D:

Thinking "it would be very nice to cut my arm off the shoulder, I should cut my arm off at the shoulder" is definitely no good.

oh, july! I'm so sorry it worked out that way, what a horrible side effect I'm glad you managed to pinpoint the reason behind it and I hope you can find a decent substitute.

Yeaaah. Like it took a couple days of being completely off it for me to go "....huh. that's different."

because prior to the medicine my thoughts were more 'if I do this thing I'll trip and fall and die and I don't want to die' even at the worst.

I'm so sorry :<