Eyebot
[Work] /drags hands down face
Nika
Oh no, what
Eyebot
Had this bloody woman, my first customer of the shift, bitching about the 5p bag.
Eyebot
"Would you like a bag?" I ask, polite, used to the routine question since the bag charge came in on October 5th 2015.
Eyebot
"Do I have to pay?" Asks the bitch.
Eyebot
"You do, yes."
Eyebot
"Tch. I ain't paying for a fucking bag. Why should I?"
Eyebot
"No problem. That's..."
Eyebot
"Oh, here. You're lucky I had 5p in my bag."
Eyebot
Let me stop you there, bitch. I'm lucky. Um, nonono. You're lucky. Because without the 5p you found in your bag, you'd have been carrying your shit out in your hands.
Eyebot
I don't give a single micro-particle of an iota of a fraction of a fuck whether you have a bag. Being bolshy achieves nothing, because your options are thus:
Eyebot
1: Pay 5p, receive bag.
2: Don't pay, carry item out in your hands.
3: Bring a bag with you.
Eyebot
There are no other options. There's no "No I don't have 5p, I'll get a bag anyway, for free." option.
Eyebot
You know what happens if you don't pay for a bag? You don't get one. I don't give them away for free because I can be fined £250. And the company would be fined in the thousands. I would lose my job.
Eyebot
As such, for the sake of five great british pennies, I don't care if you balance your £9.99 shoes on your head as you leave, you ain't getting a bag.
Eyebot
The kicker?
Eyebot
She paid on caaaard.
Eyebot
No 5p required. No fiddly change, no "whoops, I only have a note/I don't want to break it for 4p" reasons, nope.
Eyebot
Card.
Eyebot
Eyebot
I hate idiots.
Nika
... wow
Nika
"you're lucky" yeah, because you're totally the one who desperately needed that 5p which isn't going to you in any case
Eyebot
Yeah, I was like "Makes no difference to me whether you have one or not /shrug"
Eyebot
"Give me one, then."
Eyebot
"5p please."
Eyebot
"Thought it made no difference?"
Eyebot
I need a super rich husband. Or wife. Or dog/cat that inherited a fortune. Not fussy.
Nika
Some people really need to stop thinking they're funny.
Nika
If I meet any rich dogs/cats I will make sure to let you know XD
NinjaVarnish
Mate, I don't know how you didn't feed that bitch a bag and charge her 5p for the service.
NinjaVarnish
imagine a life where your biggest worry is having an argument with some poor retail worker over 5p. imagine.
Sun Pumpkin
I think there should be a law everyone has to work retail for a few months
Sun Pumpkin
also, I routinely carry small purchases out with my hands and I see many other people where I live doing the same. It's...not that big of a deal
Eyebot
It really isn't! I just. Don't get it? It's not like we're alone in the country in charging for plastic bags. It's a law. It's been a law for over a year at this stage.
Eyebot
Every company that employs more than 200 people (including non-retail staff) has to charge 5p for every bag issued.
Eyebot
The exceptions to the rule are when you sell certain items (fresh fruit and vegetables, unpackaged meat, razorblades and axes(???)), if the bag is made of paper, or if the company is an independent or small-time shop with less than the aforementioned 200 staff.
Eyebot
I don't get everybody's problem with it. Even if you hate the idea of it, you have known for over twelve months that it's a thing now. You should be used to it and, if you have such a major issue with paying for a bag, carry one with you.
Nika
Yup.
Nika
And the weirdest thing is how some customers persist in blaming the shop staff for what is IN NO WAY their fault, like, at all, it's a LAW ffs
Nika
but no, you're just refusing to give them a free bag out of personal meanness
Eyebot
Don't get me wrong, I would, given the option, because I'm a bastard and like to be petty, but ... the money doesn't go into my pocket.
Nika
ahahaha you XD
Nika
but yup, not only does the money not go into your pocket, it's not something you're allowed to do ANYWAY
Sun Pumpkin
you should just look them dead in the eyes and say IT'S THE LAW
Nika
LOL yes
Sun Pumpkin
though do they train you to say sir/ma'am? At my sister's store, they train them to not use any gendered pronouns, and I wonder how many people don't like being called sir/ma'am. I feel like they might be getting some bitch fits over that
Eyebot
Lol this is England
Eyebot
We don't go in for Sir/Ma'am ever, aaahahahahaha
Eyebot
I'd rather die
Sun Pumpkin
ahhhh in most us ones they MAKE you do that
Eyebot
Yeah, it's not a thing here. You might get it if you go to a sort of high-end boutique type place, or a posh department store, but those aren't the sort of places people who get funny about gendered pronouns tend to shop.
Eyebot
I don't think posh-middle class idiots spend much time on tumblr.
Nika
lol
Sun Pumpkin
I'm not really sure if it's the customers or the management
Nika
In the UAE they call you sir/ma'am with EVERY SENTENCE. It bugs the crap out of me.
Sun Pumpkin
this is one of those ultra-hippy dippy places
Nika
(my mom likes it. I think she's a posh middle-class idiot. XD )
Eyebot
In England, unless you're one of the posh middle-class idiots who expects one-on-one service (which you're entitled to if you're spending two grand on a coat), we don't want to be approached.
Sun Pumpkin
lol, NEITHER DO I. And yet.
Eyebot
Don't approach me in a shop. If I want help, I'll briefly consider asking for it before I bumble about on my own, and then leave.
Nika
FAIR. I wish that was the standard everywhere.
Sun Pumpkin
I get flustered and I'll be like I'M JUST LOOKING even though I know I want to buy something, I just want to do it at my own pace
Eyebot
That's what happens.
Eyebot
Me: /walks in
Them: HI! CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?
Me: JUST LOOKING THANKS
Them: OKAY WELL IF YOU NEED ANY HELP COME TO ME! =D =D
Me: /bumble, leave
Nika
Yup XD
Sun Pumpkin
sob
Eyebot
No but seriously, if I want help, I'll ask. If I can't find/reach something, I'll ask. Nothing puts me off shopping more than HELLO CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?
Eyebot
Like yes, you can buzz off, you over-zealous pillock, are you on commission or something, get out of my face.
Sun Pumpkin
I wish I didn't hate face to face human interaction with random strangers so much
Nika
I wish other people didn't want pointless interaction with random strangers 8|
Eyebot
Funnily enough, I'm more likely to ask for help in a shop if I'm in my work uniform.
Eyebot
Because then there's Solidarity.
Nika
ahaha aww XD
Sun Pumpkin
nika you have a good point
Eyebot
It's true though, a lot of the irritating shit customer service staff have to do, they hate doing, but have been told to do it.
Nika
yeah I assume so
Nika
I mean, who wants to ask 100 strangers a day how they're doing
Eyebot
I hate being asked if I wanna buy additional shit at the till point. I hate it.
Sun Pumpkin
yes, and I'm sorry for them because of that, but I still don't like receiving it
Eyebot
"Thanks, just these"
"CAN I INTEREST YOU IN--"
"NOPE. JUST THESE."
Sun Pumpkin
it makes me feel like a cranky asshole, but really
Eyebot
It's why I refuse to ask if people want any additional shit at the counter. I've told my manager I'm not doing it, because I hate when people do it to me in shops. I'm already spending money, stop trying to upsell.
Sun Pumpkin
I shouldn't have to be deflecting stuff
Eyebot
Fortunately, we don't have to ask how people are doing or anything.
Nika
I hate "did you find anything okay?" the most, because like, if I didn't, I either asked one of the employees wandering around the store, or I gave up. What are you, stuck-to-the-till person with a long line of customers, going to do about my failure to find stuff?
Eyebot
In England, we don't pretend to care like you do.
Sun Pumpkin
I hate when they ask you to make charity donations the most, because I never know wtf charity it is half the time
Sun Pumpkin
looool
Nika
wow yeah I haven't gotten the charity one so far but that would suck
Sun Pumpkin
they do it at the holidays
Eyebot
Funnily enough, working in the same area for years, I know a lot of the staff in surrounding shops, so when I go in, I don't mind them asking how I am, because I half know them anyway. XD
Nika
Yeah, that's different! XD
Eyebot
Yeah, we just have charity boxes on the desk, if people wanna put in, they can, but we don't ask, because going "Uh, no" is awkward for everyone.
Sun Pumpkin
exactly
Nika
Good plan, yeah
Eyebot
I only give to animal charities anyway
Eyebot
Well, animal and cancer, I don't do childrens charities, or homeless.
Eyebot
Neither are my problem, or ever likely to be, so no.
Eyebot
But if you don't give to a children's charity when people ask... gosh. The Looks you get.
Nika
I only give to well-researched charities I found online, not to random crap at some store that's probably barely doing anything useful
Sun Pumpkin
that's fair enough. The one I dread is veteran's charities, because some of them are borderline scams, but people act like you're an asshole if you don't immediately shell out at the word 'veteran'
Nika
I'm lucky I don't care if people think I'm an asshole XD
Sun Pumpkin
yes, and children's ones
Sun Pumpkin
you actually are, and I'm envious
Eyebot
We don't really use the word 'veteran' here. Veteran has a very specific meaning and it doesn't mean "anyone who joined the army at any point in their lives"
Nika
One year one of my coworkers was doing one of those stupid runs for idk some medical cause, and asking all of us for money. I went nope, and she was like "You can't do that!!" YES I TOTALLY CAN >8D
Eyebot
There's like, the annual poppy thing, which is fine. And Help for Heroes, which I never give to, because I object to referring to any idiot who joined the army as a 'hero' as much as I do 'veteran'.
Nika
yeah wow that's even worse
Eyebot
All the veterans are dead, or about a hundred, go away.
Eyebot
We get Chuggers here, though.
Eyebot
Chuggers are the worst.
Sun Pumpkin
?
Sun Pumpkin
I do not know what a chugger is
Eyebot
Chugger -- Charity Mugger.
Sun Pumpkin
oh!
Sun Pumpkin
those assholes
Nika
LOL, good one
Eyebot
They're a group of people who are REALLY, REALLY pushy about trying to get people to sign up for shit? Usually about shit charities, like SHELTER (homeless) or something.
Eyebot
They commit a cardinal sin.
Eyebot
They approach you even if you're looking at your phone, even if you're wearing headphones.
Nika
YUP
Eyebot
and like, stay in your lane, man
Eyebot
Get out of my face if I have headphones in.
Nika
srsly 8|
Nika
any rando trying to talk to me on the street gets IGNOOOOORED
Eyebot
Respond in Polish.
Nika
... okay that's brilliant, I may have to try it 8D
Eyebot
I have done so in Finnish. Just mangle something that sounds vaguely like "no English" ("No Englanti!") with an apologetic look on your face and they fuck off.
Nika
awesome, I will have to remember to try that
Eyebot
My sister uses French -- riskyyy.
Nika
y-yeah
Nika
although Polish might be risky in England too... Here not so much. XD
Eyebot
Idk Chuggers aren't generally polish, or able to speak it, but we all learn French at school. XD
Nika
Fair! XD
Nika
Oh yeah, also the worst: the whole "Hi, how are you doing?" "Fine, how are you?" "What would you like to order?" conversation I always have with customer service people. I really need to figure out a better way out of that.
Eyebot
Be British
Eyebot
Go with honest.
Eyebot
"Bit shit, to be honest."
"Uh.."
Eyebot
Or make America adopt a word, like we have, which could either mean "Hello!" or "How are you?" and requires just the repetition of that word to get shit out of the way.
Nika
both good options XD
Nika
I used to do the first one sometimes, but that only results in a LONGER conversation
Eyebot
(Of course, it means a momentary mental bluescreen of 'do I answer the question, or just repeat it back..?' but you get used to that)
Nika
what exactly is the word in England, anyway? /failing
Eyebot
"Alright?"
Nika
OH
Nika
XD
Nika
brilliant
Sun Pumpkin
I just mutter something like 'not interested' and then pointedly look away and keep walking
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