[blah blah blah] i literally don't understand the concept of boredom anymore

when someone plurks something among the lines of "i'm so bored, i don't know what to do" i'm sitting here wondering about that exotic feeling

since when i seemingly don't have anything to do, there's this little voice telling me "oh, surely you do have tons of shit to do that was supposed to be ready, like, last month?"

and the sitting in a stupid place and being unable to do anything type boredom also doesn't happen since i just sit frustrated about all the shit i could be getting done but i'm wasting time instead

and i'll get even more behind

and if i try letting myself do something for fun, i just get massive guilt trips

like, oh yeah, i have so much time before my next exam, today i'm going to play games all day and start studying tomorrow! /o/

[sweats nervously]

> study for 5 hours, game for one if any

i had a couple of days last year where i didn't have to worry about anything uni related for the first time since starting uni, it was such a foreign feeling it took me a few days to adjust to

and once i did, it was the new semester so nevermind

i wish i could get actual enjoyment out of things i do for fun instead of enjoyment out of getting them off my list of things to do

like i finished bioshock 2 yesterday and i was thrilled to cross off another one from my games backlog and horrified because it took me so long and i am supposed to be done with infinite before my last exam

which obviously won't happen because if i let myself play games, i'll just feel guilty and go study even though i can see that this studying is fruitless

and infinite won't be finished before my self imposed deadline, which will make me even more stressed and i'll set a stricter deadline next time and enjoy the game even less

gaming: how to turn a fun hobby into a fucking chore and neverending competition with your so in which you always feel you lost - a guide by magdalena anna czernecka