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[vaguely vat related] just gonna sit here and have Saix and Axel feels for probably the rest of the night
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Had him the rest of the evening too
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*em
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Going through Saix's thought process and how he feels in regards to things hurts me
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Shhhh.
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(No but really it hurts me too)
gσкυ∂єяα
Awwww
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sob
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Koko this is all your fault why am I revisiting these emotions
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Like OBVIOUSLY he is in the wrong and has been a total cold blooded douchebag but
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in his view
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he was just doing what needed to be done
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because how else would he and Axel get hearts again, they had to get their hands dirty, they had to do bad things, there's obviously no avoiding it with who they're now with
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and so he probably throws himself into doing all this work, missions and pain and so much goddamn paperwork until he's reliable and trusted and who knows how long that takes even with weird nort bullshit
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and then in Days and their goal is so close, a version of KH has manifested, they just have to do a little more work and use these two kids
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Weep
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Except Saix is so far gone that he cannot view them as anything other than tools
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He has to, because, KH is RIGHT. THERE. and all he cares about is him and Axel getting whole again, he's made that his complete focus, who has time for a doll and an amnesiac brat
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And he's assuming Axel is with him on this, right? Axel's the only one he can trust, the one person he might actually faintly give a damn about. Really fucking faintly but goddamn it's there, they were bffs
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He trusts him enough to send him to the clusterfuck that is Castle Oblivion
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He's assuming that Axel is just as dedicated as he is to this whole goal because this is what they've been spending years on, right? This is practically their life goal by this point. Nothing is worth more than
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reaching it
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So to have him just betray the Organization, betray him, for what is pretty much just a tool they've known for a measly little year
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fucking flipping tables over here
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I mean, for all that Saix is the biggest hard ass
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I do think he made some exceptions to rules when Axel asked, even if he didn't see the point, like letting Xion and Roxas partner up
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And Axel just kicks dirt awkwardly.
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and in the manga I like to think it's implied that he drags Axel to his bed when they're both busted the fuck up after their respective 'got their ass beat by small children' battles
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(something to bond over)
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So I like to be dumb and optimistic and think something was still there even if Saix failed RIDICULOUSLY at showing it in any real way besides guilt tripping
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I feel like they have some similarities with the Sora-Riku friendship in KH1
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One person advancing in their life, making other friends, more disney shit like that
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The other just stuck, losing bits of themselves to darkness and jealousy and shit
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Their friendship just never got saved
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listen it's late and my ass hurts, my brain is off
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No, that's all legit.
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I have feelings
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There are definitely subtle hints about how they really feel in the manga and even their journals in Days. They're just. Fucking terrible and expressing themselves.
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Man, just... how stupidly happy Axel looked when Saix admitted he still liked dogs
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Someone being so happy about another person liking an animal should not make me tear up like a weepy ass motherfucker
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but here we are
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Because you know that's probably been the first indication that there's still some part of Saix that's Isa Axel's seen in fucking ages
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Oh god that damn scene
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that fucking scene
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Axel probably felt like fucking exploding. Because he knew you were in there all along bff.
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sob
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Casually making things worse
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but
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Axel and their goal being one of the few things that kept him as himself, not just a vessel
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and with one gone and the other looking like a far impossibility
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/face. in. hands.
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yes suffer with me you fucker
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this is your fault
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Rood
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truth
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ROOD
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SUFFER
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ASS FUCK
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YOU WISH
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also now I'mflicking through the journal entires for Days and ha.. ha...
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Everything going really smoothly? Saix gets suspicious
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Lol Saïx. Chill out bro.
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NOPE because then it all went horrible
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He will never trust good things again
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Axel: /BATS DEM LASHES
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Saix: /blames for everything
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Axel: /DEM LASHES, SAIX
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Saix: /he'll show you lashes
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Axel: .../slowly walks away
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Saix: BC