and then additional cw for disordered eating. sigh.

so probably part of the reason i feel so shaky and dogshit (besides the tooth pain) (and the fact my threshold for 'stress becoming psychosomatic' is EXTREMELY low and i am under a lot of stress!!) is bc i think the only actual food ive eaten for like the last three days is a small bowl of dirt cake, 75% of a grilled cheese...

and don't get me wrong i would genuinely like to fucking eat something!! i am physically hungry!! but my brain has not gotten the message & is applying the same general vibes to the concept of 'EAT SOMETHING' as it is 'go get a haircut'

and if i'm not mentally hungry sometimes my swallow reflex basically shuts off for food. i just chew forever.

add onto this 'no i literally Can't eat at work 90% of the time. i'm not banned or anything, everyone else working there would like me to eat food, i've just gotten interrupted by customers so many times i have a psychological aversion to the idea'

...i ate a burrito at some point but that might've been thursday night. maybe friday night. 2 am at some point in the last week.

i kind of want to eat pizza but i spent $70 on the steam fall sale & then had like five other unexpected expenses pop up so. i am not ordering pizza. + i live in an apartment complex where you need keyfob access to get anywhere but the 1st floor so i'm not putting somebody through that

honestly. typing it out like this. i don't think it's specifically 'i don't want to eat anything'. i think it's specifically 'the only things i want to eat are whatever i'm having specific cravings for, and everything else makes me feel like there's a lump in my throat and i get vaguely nauseous.' man, what the fuck is this

AND I CAN'T EVEN GO DO TAGS BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH WORK I NEED TO DO RIGHT NOW!!!!!

GET ME OUT OF THE TORMENT NEXUS

i have eaten a pot pie. the world is fine. 'you immediately feel better as soon as you eat something, the world is not a torment nexus, you're just hungry' is so bullshit and im mad every time it works

Big Duck Energy :