s♝ɴ
[health+life rambles] feel free to mute
s♝ɴ
today has been a rough one. 
cw for medical procedures + discussion of potential euthanasia
cw for medical procedures + discussion of potential euthanasia
s♝ɴ
i was able to schedule a visit with an ob-gyn today, but it was... idk largely unhelpful, but not entirely?
s♝ɴ
today, i asked what i could do, because symptoms are getting unbearable, so i was told the same ol’-- but she decided to check with someone else that knew more about it
s♝ɴ
as it turns out, ride to care should have been fine the whole time
s♝ɴ
throws up hands
s♝ɴ
they scheduled me for a pre-op visit on the 14th, but i... might look into getting another doctor altogether because that’s fucking ridiculous
s♝ɴ
(sorry, i will delete the more personal details soon, just processing)
s♝ɴ
but... idk from here, hopefully i’ll have some progress to look forward to. fingers crossed.
s♝ɴ
also realized that appts for both my pcp and rheumatologist are next week, i scheduled those months ago but thought they were still a bit out. also good.
s♝ɴ
but apollo... he has blood in his urine, it’s also dark and smells like-- idk, an open wound? it’s bad
s♝ɴ
research told me that it could be dehydration, but it isn’t getting any better
s♝ɴ
he’s acting like he feels pretty good, weirdly... but idk how long that will last at this rate
s♝ɴ
i can’t afford to get him any care right now... i’ve been struggling with groceries because i’ve put so much into vet bills... i couldn’t even afford to get him euthanized right now
s♝ɴ
like. it’s killing me.
s♝ɴ
i juuuust... sigh
Lombardia
all the hugs ;; you're dealing with so much right now, gosh...
s♝ɴ
Lombardia
: thank you. i... yeah
Lombardia
have you thought about a gofundme? if just to help a little bit?
My Weyard Son
Yeah, if you really need help or something, please let us know.
s♝ɴ
it’s just one of those really challenging days where no amount of being proactive or distracting oneself is gonna help
Lombardia
yeah, of course. shit is real and you can't avoid it forever...
s♝ɴ
i had one to help out a little when i was looking for a place, and despite how grateful i was for all of the help i did receive, it took a lot out of me, didn’t get much traction, and wouldn’t be enough to fix anything right now
s♝ɴ
i really appreciate the thought tho
Lombardia
ah okay... yeah, I can understand how it'd be more work than it's worth right now when you're already dealing with so much
s♝ɴ
i wouldn’t say it’s more than it’s worth, but
s♝ɴ
i struggle asking for help and it’s really stressful
Lombardia
still, one more thing to deal with, yeah? it's understandable if you're not up for it
s♝ɴ
yeah... also, you know, having to ask for help again isn’t great lol
Lombardia
no, it's never easy... I've been homeless myself before, so I fully understand how hard it can be to try asking for help
Lombardia
but life happens to us all, and friends will understand that and want to help if they can
s♝ɴ
i guess i just need to think on it... i know you’re right. I have to keep reminding myself that my reasoning is just a little off.
s♝ɴ
narcissistic abuse + attracting bad relationships really messes with self perception ugh
s♝ɴ
i should probably consider it for apollo’s welfare, at the very least
Lombardia
oh, for sure ;; sometimes you have to step back and remind yourself that you are worth it and that it's not shameful to need help now and then
s♝ɴ
i’m also very sorry to hear that you experienced something similar
Lombardia
Lombardia
ah, thank you <3 it was a long time ago when I was a teenager, so it's not a recent trouble, but hopefully it helps to know that I at least can understand what you've been through to a degree
s♝ɴ
it still sticks with you. and it does, i really appreciate you sharing it with me.
Lombardia
it really does. you never quite get over it, which is why I don't want you to go through it again if things are that dire
Parsnip
so glad to hear that surgery is finally in the works for you. I really hate that everyone has to almost know more than their doctors in order to get timely care when they need it. But super glad you asked them to try again!
Parsnip
I also second that if you need some extra cash to treat yourself or help with vet bills, I can pitch in some help this time around.
s♝ɴ
thankfully, i do still have a roof over my head, and i will hopefully be able to figure things out before i face the potential of garnished payments... i have 30 days, at least
s♝ɴ
Parsnip
: thank you, par. that’s very kind
Lombardia
at least that gives you a bit of time, yeah :c
s♝ɴ
really appreciate the support, thank you all so much 
Lombardia
you're welcome! hang in there
you're welcome! hang in there
s♝ɴ
once i calm down a bit more, i’ll seriously consider a gfm post or something.
s♝ɴ
i will do my best!
Lombardia
I can definitely throw a bit your way and signal boost if/when you do <3
s♝ɴ
thank you ;;
Parsnip
even if you want to forgo the gofundme and just link an electronic payment option, that works for me! although gofundme may be better if you need accountability with the claims court thing.
s♝ɴ
oh man, i have no idea in re: to accountability etc. my brain just panics when it comes to anything legal, might as well be an alien language lol....
s♝ɴ
electronic payments would be let me get him help faster tho, i would always be grateful for that
s♝ɴ
i’ll call to get estimates on his care in the morning before i make any info plurks tho, i think
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
Oh man I know this struggle all too well happened to me 2 years ago. I hate this for you. I'd help if I could but I'm tapped out for the month totally. Keep up up to date though
Parsnip
both options work for me! i just crawled into bed though so I'll send you something tomorrow!
both options work for me! i just crawled into bed though so I'll send you something tomorrow!
s♝ɴ
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
: with all that you’re going through, i completely understand. your thoughts mean everything. i’ll do my best.
s♝ɴ
Parsnip
: rest well! thank you again ;;
keimay
I'm sorry you're dealing with all that
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
s♝ɴ
: Just know that whatever happens you are doing your best and Apollo is VERY LOVED and KNOWS it.
s♝ɴ
keimay
: 
s♝ɴ
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
: ugh i truly hope so ;;
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
I've been there. I had to scrape money together and wait for an opening to take Ciel to The Vet to get him put down (We'd talked about his issues over the phone and decided it was best) and he passed the day of the appointment. They know. If him curling up in my arms and never leaving my side in the end meant ANYTHING it meant he knew he was loved.
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
Pets are strange. Like people kept telling me cats hide when they get near passing but like Ciel laid in my lap and arms - he passed in my arms. Ciel slept and stopped eating and drinking. He started staying in my lap or curled up by me. But I reminded my self he had 15 years and that's a lot for a cat.
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
I will say it hurts for a while like.. A LOT. I will say having Teddy helped a lot? Having another animal that needs your cat keeps you from freezing and stalling in grief..
s♝ɴ
yeah...
𖤐 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 𖤐
your care* If I could type..
'Sail
I'm just gonna leave hugs here, because I'm not sure what words I might offer, to meet what I'd mean to say...
s♝ɴ
'Sail
: