Sunny~
[mute/family/mh]
Sunny~
So today my brother A got so mad because my brother F asked about some deodorant that they both use because A thought F asked him in a certain tone of voice that he punch a hole in the wall in our kitchen
Sunny~
I grabbed my shoes, my keys, my phone and was heading out the door
Sunny~
F called me back because he didn’t want to be at home by himself so I grabbed him too
Sunny~
But F told me to go back so I didn’t drive off and went back while he dissolved the situation that A summed up as “ I have bipolar disorder” I told him that’s not an excuse
Sunny~
So me and F are tired
Sunny~
My mom came home and she’s pissed and currently cutting the grass
Sunny~
But for once my mom could see what me and F has been talking about cause that hole is huge
Sunny~
Why does the housing market have to be so bad? I want one of those cute townhouses or maybe I’ll finally fuck off to Japan and teach English idk
Sunny~
I’m just tired
Sunny~
What a way to spend a fucking Saturday all this over some deodorant
Sunny~
My mom is trying but yeah she’s upset
Sunny~
At least A told her he did it so me and F didn’t get blamed this time
Sunny~
A put cardboard over it but now it's just a reminder because I worry that my mom feels she'll have to bring A everywhere or drop him off at my grandma's just so she can do her weekend errands with my grandma
Sunny~
F was more calmer than me I just point blank told A to stop making himself out to be the victim or blaming us I just got tired
Sunny~
it took me so long to stop blaming myself for everything that I'm not gonna be blamed anymore
Sunny~
i still can't believe there's a hole in the wall
Rᴏʟʟɪɴɢ sᴛᴀʀ ★
oh my god no...
Sunny~
Yes it’s just... sighs but me and F drove around for a bit where F got a chance to vent so A is with my mom and F is with me
monsterkiss%
i'm so sorry
Sunny~
monsterkiss%
thanks I'm just really tired
Rᴏʟʟɪɴɢ sᴛᴀʀ ★
ugh I'm sorry I wish you could be out of there :[
Sunny~
Rᴏʟʟɪɴɢ sᴛᴀʀ ★
thanks me too i'm hoping something pans out for me because I just to experience having my own space and peace for once
Sunny~
i feel like I've done enough and it's time to just relax
Rᴏʟʟɪɴɢ sᴛᴀʀ ★
for reeaallll
Sunny~
Coming back here because another situation happened when me and my mom was out of the house it was so bad F had to call my mom for her to come home
Sunny~
He’s with me now and I told him while I’m on summer vacation I’m gonna help him with a license and a job I’m helping him reopen his checking out so he can start earning money when he decides to go live with his fan work
Sunny~
I’m scared I’m gonna come home and something will happen to F
Sunny~
While I know it’s not what my mom wanted I already gave up so much of my life taking care of my dad then dealing with her grief and my grandma’s grief I’m not being the caretaker to my brother I’m sorry I’m not I can’t keep putting my own life on hold
Sunny~
My mom doesn’t want us to put A somewhere but the problem is she took him out of the place he was in too soon
Sunny~
I’m sorry he’s going somewhere
Sunny~
we're back home and F is feeling better thank goodness we took a walk, let off some steam and he got some steam cards so he's feeling better but I don't think it's fair that we have to put our lives on hold again
Sunny~
At least my mom acknowledges it's time for F to start his life he's been home with A for a long time and I'm tired I'm really tired I've already done this three times before it's my turn to just relax
Sunny~
See unlike with my dad I'm not trapped at home and I will leave
Sunny~
Part of me feels bad about doing this or having these thoughts but A punched a hole in the wall and it's not fixed yet just cardboard covering it
Sunny~
While I still do love A I am afraid of how he's been acting towards F and how my mom don't want to see or accept it
Sunny~
We're getting told look up how to deal with bipolar and it's going to make us bitter again and we thought we're worked through that already
Sunny~
I just told my mom I need to be medicated but I haven't done it yet I'm not doing this again I'm not
Sunny~
Coming back here because oh boy here we go
Sunny~
my mom doesn't know that you can't criticize anything that A likes because then he gets a mood drop and she's seeing it but not knowing what she did and I'm in the back going "oh boy"
Sunny~
She mentioned that one of the food influences A likes is boring to her and now he's in a mood I'm used to her saying she doesn't like my things, but I like them so I don't care anymore but he does
Sunny~
I hate having to be on alert like this again I really thought I was over with this
Sunny~
i'm worried when my mom goes back to work
Sunny~
i'm trying to get F out at least with taking a class or something so he'll have something to do but i'm worried
Sunny~
I'm mostly worried about when I'll be going back to work which won't be until August but still I'm worried and I'm trying not to be but I'll never get over the whole in the wal
Sunny~
*wall
Sunny~
it's rough watching F look behind him whenever A comes downstairs my mom is doing that thing where she tries to keep A happy but man it's tiring I'm back to staying up at night cause I can't sleep
Sunny~
lays face down can I have one summer where I'm not super worried about something