Here's how it's gone for me for the longest time: > I am lumped in a terrible circumstance or situation > I have that thought, with the question "what if...?" > In a matter of a split second, I rationalize how that is terrible, all the people I would be letting down, how selfish it is etc etc > I feel bad for thinking it. I move on.
But lately, the scope of it has grown. The shame of the thought extends to a shame for not just being in said terrible circumstance but somehow reasoning that it's my fault for putting myself there. If that at all makes sense.
Looking back, this one concept is what has helped me the most, because those 3 P-words (personal, pervasive, and permanent) are exactly how I talk to myself when it gets bad. Recognizing that things are the opposite of that turned things around for me.
The other thing is really opening up to my family about what was happening, then going to counselors and therapists (found some great orgs that helped without needing huge amounts of money) who would listen with no judgement.
But I know they aren't for everyone. For my mom, me and my Godmother acted as her confidants until we were able to convince her to see someone. I was never able to help my sister in the same way.
Just find someone to talk to about it, man. If you need to talk, just message me.
No, you are not the only one. And god, the older I get, I feel the trauma piles up more?? Kahit na addressed, and then maybe may mga unresolved pa. Kapagod. I feel you. It gets harder. Heavier. But hopefully as we age, we also have better resources to cope in healthy ways, whatever form that might be?
It's a good thing you are able to open up about it. The self-awareness, though at times exhausting in itself, is I think, helpful. Are you able to have that space, and support irl as well?
I do hope you have the resources to maybe talk to a professional to address what needs addressing. Or at least look into the possibility at least.
Parang sipon lang, lagnat. Some days, k lang magpahinga, magself-medicate. But if it isn't getting better or gets worse, kailangan na magpatingin sa doktor.
All that said, I hugggg. You're not alone. Truly I hate na nakakarelate tayo sa isa't isa, and I'm sorry. It sucks. But glad you're here and doing what you can. And know that you aren't alone. Dito lang ako if kailangan mo ng kausap
Dude. Same. And yeah, reminding myself that these thoughts are not exclusive to me helps. Funny how it’s not as easy to be kind to ourselves. We can be so understanding and forgiving and accepting of the people that we love. We just need to remind ourselves to do the same for us. Big hugs, bro.
Beb. I get that way as well. And more often in recent years. For me I find going on autopilot mode (just do chores and everyday tasks with low-enthusiasm) and keeping my hands busyalmost meditativefor a day or so gets me back to a sort of normal less-depressive self.
And that's where I'll cap it off. I keep returning to this song from time to time when I'm in this demeanor - trying to find beauty in the darkness you're in. Dark song but also beautiful song.
> I am lumped in a terrible circumstance or situation
> I have that thought, with the question "what if...?"
> In a matter of a split second, I rationalize how that is terrible, all the people I would be letting down, how selfish it is etc etc
> I feel bad for thinking it. I move on.
Hugs man. No, you're not the only one. Still go through this all the time. It was partly the reason I was in and out of college.
Learned optimism - Wikipedia
Just find someone to talk to about it, man. If you need to talk, just message me.
No, you are not the only one. And god, the older I get, I feel the trauma piles up more?? Kahit na addressed, and then maybe may mga unresolved pa. Kapagod. I feel you. It gets harder. Heavier. But hopefully as we age, we also have better resources to cope in healthy ways, whatever form that might be?
Are you able to have that space, and support irl as well?
Parang sipon lang, lagnat. Some days, k lang magpahinga, magself-medicate. But if it isn't getting better or gets worse, kailangan na magpatingin sa doktor.
almost meditativefor a day or so gets me back to a sort of normal less-depressive self.