still low key mad that breaking from RP legitimately gave me back my creative energies in like, two days

i've already got a multi-part fanfic brewing, have been world building on my OC again, and alarmed my dad in the car earlier by info-dumping on him about how not getting enough sunlight can give babies rickets

"why are you learning about that" he asks me, and I have to say "I was researching about whether or not living on a planet around a different colored sun would do anything and it turned into a whole thing"

which is how he also learned about a cult in a bunker in germany where some of the kids had never seen the sun and I definitely have not started shaping this into a plot point about how bucky, super serum or not, probably has some weird health problems, and YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN

I don't know why, I guess I just pressured myself over it too much? but as soon as I dropped from lab as a player it was just like "OH FUCK THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN MY BRAIN AGAIN"

and it kinda pisses me off?

because absolutely no one was putting that pressure on me BUT me??

but with all the RL nonsense i'm dealing with I guess it was just one valve too many turned and I had to close one to get the pressure back under control, IDK

open one? to let the pressure off? how do valves work.

it's a little frustrating because I wanted to RP, I want to do the collective storytelling that it is, but...I guess I just mostly do better being creative on my own?

my ADHD is definitely worse again though, holy shit

Dunno what the connection is there but i've been bouncing off the goddamn walls

forcing myself to stay inside and not go out and dig a bunch of holes in the yard

also you know some hallucinations again, but that's not unusual that's just the schizophrenia going "hey remember me i'm still here"

you know that schizophrenia and adhd both have to do with the fact your brain's dopamine is fucked? why aren't they comorbid more often?

like it is a thing, ADHD gives you a higher chance of schizophrenia, but if dopamine is a factor, IDK feels like it should be more often?

I think this plurk proves the ADHD/creativity thing because somehow I in five seconds from that thought somewhere into the realm of "why IS Junji Ito afraid of cats?"

it was also funny the Game Genie was called "Video Game Enhancer" what a weird title for a thing

ANYWAY, just a little thinking out loud before I go outside, and maybe i'll share fic later, we'll see lol

im happy your creativity is going!! sometimes you gotta get the pressure off!!