shibe☀️summer
[still mh, wao] 2am ramble time cuz i got pms insomnia
shibe☀️summer
mostly because today has at times been like. i feel sad like a physical weight pressing down against my body and i really don't like it
shibe☀️summer
so I'm just. idk. airing grievances here
shibe☀️summer
grievance one is i would like to stop losing things in the metaphorical sense
shibe☀️summer
because in the past year-ish, i have lost my job, my primary care doctor of 10+ years, my status in the unbroken bones club, and i will be losing my therapist at least for a while because she is imminently having a baby
shibe☀️summer
and it's just so many constant status quo upheavals i don't like it.
shibe☀️summer
this is also not counting other micro and macro losses like losing my sense of security, losing my daily routine, losing faith in the direction of the country, etc. etc.
shibe☀️summer
but anyway life has been real loss.jpg
shibe☀️summer
grievance two is i am so tired of being ghosted professionally
shibe☀️summer
i will say that I do actually have a reasonably good response rate on all the job applications I send out. Last time I checked it was hovering at about 40%, which in this market is not half bad. but every single one of those is a rejection
shibe☀️summer
have not even had a recruiter screen call
shibe☀️summer
and in the past several months, while job hunting and seeking representation for VO work, I have been ghosted so many times by what I thought were very legit leads
shibe☀️summer
I applied to a job at nintendo with a referral, got the email address of the recruiter when they rejected me, followed up with the dude multiple times via both email and linkedin, nada
shibe☀️summer
messaged one of my old coworkers last week about a referral to her current position because she's taking a sabbatical and needs someone to backfill, nada
shibe☀️summer
emailed new materials to two agents who had previously responded to me within a week of my initial messages, one with a follow up as she had instructed me to follow up in 6 months due to Circumstances and the other just to drop her my new demos because I never heard back after her first reply (which generally indicates that they're not interested)
shibe☀️summer
but this time? nothing after a week from either of them
shibe☀️summer
I have also done like. 40+ auditions on a pay to play site and while I have gotten shortlisted on two of them, I also have a bunch where they never even listen to my submissions
shibe☀️summer
and also. no one has booked me
shibe☀️summer
plus the one time some guy did email me directly via that site about a game demo his team was putting together that they wanted a voice for and I emailed back with some samples in uhhh january guess what happened
shibe☀️summer
because if you guessed bro ghosted me, you are correct
shibe☀️summer
and I know that like. even for professionals in VO your booking rate is never high. like cracking double digits is a big deal. but the site I'm on right now is all i have that pays even close to decent and some days I don't even get a single audition so. it chafes when I go through the work of submitting and I don't even get a listen
shibe☀️summer
which leads to grievance number three: i have lost the ability to motivate myself into doing most anything
shibe☀️summer
i mean not consistently lost it. but like. i have no control over it
shibe☀️summer
"hm I have several hours between now and when this audition is due and nothing pressing that I need to attend to, I should really get up and go record it"
shibe☀️summer
sits on the couch and does nothing
shibe☀️summer
then i feel awful and i hate myself. whee
shibe☀️summer
oh also add to the list of people who quasi-ghosted me because really i haven't followed up with her in a minute but it's also not my job to follow up with patients is my psych
shibe☀️summer
it has been a month since our last appointment
shibe☀️summer
and i know i could just go in and schedule something but idk it just kinda. feels real bad man that we left off on such an unsatisfying note of "hey, these meds we thought were doing the trick are no longer doing the trick and now I don't know what to do"
shibe☀️summer
which also is just. see grievance three. the grievance about motivation. and being unable to complete tasks reliably
shibe☀️summer
anyway just. i know I'm about to start bleeding imminently so i know some of this is hormonally motivated
shibe☀️summer
and i also know some of it is probably stress from the fact that i signed up for an MBA program that starts on Wednesday which is a program that's very much like "time management is essential to being successful with this"
shibe☀️summer
and that just compounds with the stress of feeling like i am just genuinely becoming someone who's not a lot of fun to be around because this is just. what my life is right now i guess
shibe☀️summer
oh also the stress of like. quite frankly facing down the ultimatum that if I cannot make anything of what I'm doing with VO right now, when I have all the fucking free time in the world to actualize on it and make it happen, maybe i should just give it up
shibe☀️summer
which is not something I want to do. but is something that my rational realistic brain is telling me I should consider because. you know. if not now then when
shibe☀️summer
but all of that is combining in this absolute fucking shit tornado of maybe i should find someone to look after the pets and just check myself into a fucking hospital or something
shibe☀️summer
because I just feel so absolutely wrecked
shibe☀️summer
anyway thank you for coming to the world's saddest 2am ted talk
CURRENT LAGANN
Whoogh I feel a LOT of this
CURRENT LAGANN
I got nuthin just 
shibe☀️summer
i appreciate the angry hugs
shibe☀️summer
it is good to know i am not alone in all this
CURRENT LAGANN
It just. It suck. It suuuuucks. It sucks. There’s so much work to do in the world but we have to BEG the overlords to let us help build their Make The World Worse Machine and it’s just soooooooooo
CURRENT LAGANN
it’s so
shibe☀️summer
it sucks so bad
CURRENT LAGANN
Mmhm 
revolutionaryjo
🫂
DoveyPips🔪
sugar blood
IT SUUUUCKS
nice guy goose
It sucks so bad 
Many mistakes
It fuckin sucks and I’m sorry and I love you 
Ain'tpril
blegh the constant ghosting especially super sucks 8(
Ain'tpril
CrocodileLake
Sucks bad. But i think the structure of the mba classes should help. If you want suggestions on what to do, hit me up. I crawled out of a year and half long depression and i had to do a lot of things to get there
espresso witch
