☀️ ceeshine!
BANSHEE - POSSESS ME (LYRIC VIDEO)
belated may chatterplurk 💐 (mental health talk within)
☀️ ceeshine!
me in my last appointment with my (former) psychiatrist: idk my depressive episodes don't typically interfere too badly with my relationships
me now: has not plurked in nearly 2wks, also has not been home in nearly 2wks
☀️ ceeshine!
i'm ok but i have really been rotating some nasty revelations about interpersonal stuff in my head this past week, and living in my house sucks as usual, and my follow-up appt with my new psych got cancelled and i need to call and figure out why,
☀️ ceeshine!
an entry-level full-time WFH job opportunity that i'm qualified for sort of fell into my lap and i'm very very nervous about the process of pursuing that and either failing and feeling awful about it or succeeding and having to shuffle the entire rest of my life around this sudden new level of responsibility
☀️ ceeshine!
and the idea of not being with my partner while digesting all this has been unbearable so a long weekend with him to visit some of our DC area friends has turned into me just holing up in his apartment except when i have needed to pop back home to grab stuff to go to work,,,
☀️ ceeshine!
anyway i really do for real have to go home today bc i have absolutely none clean laundry left, especially my work clothes, and i want to check on my poor sad plants
☀️ ceeshine!
but i am so full of dread at the prospect
☀️ ceeshine!
anyway. apologies if my long silence worried anyone
ɢʟᴀᴍ★sᴛᴀʀ
it's good to hear from you, friend. I'm sorry things are so overwhelming and chaotic right now. rooting for you
Silvie
beaming you love cee
Silvie
glad to hear from you; i really hope the WFH job opportunity works out
Silvie
im also rattling your new psych. do not cancel!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dead characters
I'd been wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear things continue to be so rough, but glad to hear from you
☀️ ceeshine!
a bit belatedly thank you friends 💖
☀️ ceeshine!
my period started last night so i am guessing PMS exacerbated my horrible nonfunctional mood last week
dead characters
☀️ ceeshine!
very very bad day. that's all
dead characters
I'm sorry, cee
☀️ ceeshine!
depressive downswing continues. aggressively trying to make plans with partner this weekend to prevent wallowing
☀️ ceeshine!
also did not get the WFH job opportunity... less to worry about in the immediate sense but
☀️ ceeshine!
apparently even though i got my application in before the posting was taken down, i put it in too late for HR to pass it on to the person actually choosing from the applicants, which is a thousand times more frustrating to me than just getting beat out by more qualified people
☀️ ceeshine!
just a huge waste of my time, energy, and mental investment these past two weeks
dead characters
wtf, don't leave a posting up if you're not still accepting applicants!!!
ɢʟᴀᴍ★sᴛᴀʀ
oh... that is really shitty? way to get ppls hopes up and waste their time. I'm sorry, cee
☀️ ceeshine!
i heard that they keep applications on file so there is a chance of being reached out to if a similar position opens again but not holding my breath
☀️ ceeshine!
anyway. way more depressed about missing out on that opportunity than i thought i would be but i had a nice weekend with my partner at least
☀️ ceeshine!
trying not to think about the fact that he's gonna be gone next weekend, when the household meeting that i am incredibly anxious about is scheduled
𝑆𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑚 ⚖️
I am so fucking not about this house meeting I tell ya
𝑆𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑚 ⚖️
I feel like it's gonna be a lot about shit I've done honestly LMAO but. could just be my anxiety talking. the point being I'll back you up
☀️ ceeshine!
thank you... i'm trying not to get worked up about it but Ugh
𝑆𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑚 ⚖️
same lmfao but god
𝑆𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑚 ⚖️
I'm ready for just. the most inane bs
𝑆𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑚 ⚖️
mom says "just say ok sure yeah and then keep doing your own thing anyway"
𝑆𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑚 ⚖️
this was after her suggestion to say "I'm thinking about it" to everything to counteract the fact that both of us prefer written communication LOL
☀️ ceeshine!
your mom has excellent ideas LOL
ɢʟᴀᴍ★sᴛᴀʀ
ok this is choice mom advice 10/10
𝑆𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑚 ⚖️
she's got some good advice sometime for sure gotta hand it to her
☀️ ceeshine!
i have been so sleepy exhausted lately and for what
☀️ ceeshine!
mood has very suddenly plummeted into the ground for no discernible reason so i guess it is nap time
ɢʟᴀᴍ★sᴛᴀʀ
covers you in puppies while you sleep
☀️ ceeshine!
deep depresso continues... at work without partner podcast time since he is out of town and I just feel very out of body
☀️ ceeshine!
despite myself I made myself do enrichment and flesh prison maintenance today and am now very tired from the none sleep I got but I can feel the vitamin D squaring up with my towering depression
ɢʟᴀᴍ★sᴛᴀʀ
you did so good
dead characters
☀️ ceeshine!
thank you im so tired and just realized I left my jacket at work last night bc I was so exhausted
☀️ ceeshine!
hopefully it's still there tonight ... I left it in the back so hopefully my fellow employees just left it alone
☀️ ceeshine!
my jaw hurts SO bad holy shit I must have been grinding my teeth something fierce... need to clean my night guard and start wearing it again
☀️ ceeshine!
oooooo anxiety BAD
☀️ ceeshine!
I need to check with my TL on whether we're actually cycle counting all the fucked up product delivery tonight... manager said last night that we were but she's not here tonight and the TLs haven't mentioned it
☀️ ceeshine!
I did retrieve my jacket and finished all my dumb bullshit, and gave a ride to my coworker bc despite myself and the whole world I am a helpful person at heart
☀️ ceeshine!
now I'm so anxious about house meeting this morning that I feel like my chest is going to explode
☀️ ceeshine!
so I guess I will take a hydroxyzine and lay down as soon as I get out of my work clothes
☀️ ceeshine!
also god communication between my manager and team leads is so abysmal. my coworker didn't know we were supposed to count those UNFI products tonight bc manager wasn't on shift and neither of the TLs told him. I am hoping he doesn't get talked to about it bc that ain't his fault
☀️ ceeshine!
i swear I don't understand managers who don't talk to other managers s
☀️ ceeshine!
just realized I forgot to take my antidepressant before work which may have contributed to my rancid mood
☀️ ceeshine!
ashnikko and the bassist from måneskin have a song coming out and i think i might pass out
☀️ ceeshine!
I don't want to do the work (therapy) today but I will,,,
dead characters
stong cee!
☀️ ceeshine!
i am so stong
☀️ ceeshine!
and also didn't want to pay a cancellation fee
☀️ ceeshine!
it is absolutely pissing cats and dogs rain out there so everyone was driving like maniacs
☀️ ceeshine!
supposed to rain all day today
ɢʟᴀᴍ★sᴛᴀʀ
oh I'm going to have a gay panic about this news. the song not the rain
☀️ ceeshine!
Instagram
i can only find the song preview on fucking tiktok and i am not making an account to get at it but here is victoria's insta post about it
☀️ ceeshine!
so many things i need to do today and willpower to do none of them
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