Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh I don’t wanna. I don’t. Ugh, fuck me. Fine! Fine. I can handle one lunch with my abusive narcissist father, that’s probably fine.
I’m so nervous. I hate being around him, but he’s my dad and I need his help and he frankly fucking owes me the moon and stars for all the shit he’s pulled all my life. But I am gonna need some Xanax before I go to see him lmao
Thank you guys. I’m just scared of being sucked back into his orbit. Even willingly granting him access to me like this makes my skin crawl. I’m going to have to deal with SOME kind of emotional blackmail or manipulation. All I can do is keep my chin up and refuse to let him dominate the conversation.
You got this homie! Write down your points somewhere before you see him. Be exact about boundaries if he wants more access. Bring receipts of what he owes you if he wants to hang things over your head
It's ok if you don't have the actual receipts for his gambling. If your mom has some kind of loose tally somewhere or a bank statement/paperwork if that issue was on the table for divorce, taking a look at those could help
If you don't, just be an implacable wall. It sounds like you can't snub him if he's laying out the terms of his help being that he sees you, but you CAN determine what that means
He’s the kind of person to build his own damn reality and stick to it like glue. He swears to this day his malignant tumor of a partner didn’t call my mom crazy, even though we were all sitting in a car together when she said it! He was right next to her and STILL denies it!
Has told me many times it didn’t happen that way or that I don’t remember it right. He has veryyyyy literally tried to gaslight me. And since my memory is poor... it gets at me sometimes
Gaslighters are in their own reality bc confronting it means they would lose control or have to own up to being an asshole and a lot of people are not mentally equipped to have that conversation with themselves
It's easier said than done but you need to be an implacable wall of reality. If it helps, think of him as a sad sad little man you're gracing with your presence and that no lie he says has any meaning to you
And if he wants to try and change the reality, you have either the option of simply saying "that's not how it went and if you remember it a different way, apparently nothing I say or do will convince you otherwise"
You know what I hate? He’s probably over the moon about seeing me. But never made an effort in two years to mend our relationship other than occasionally sending me heart emojis. What is wrong with his brain.
but yeah i feel that, my parents are a unique challenge for me as well, bc they think i dont know shite/am too much of a "child" to understand the world "as well as they do" lmao
de borel
: ya. Right? He sends me emojis on Christmas and my birthday and it’s like good job dad. Mom says he thinks he’s respecting my wishes and I think he’s a coward.
but he doesnt understand that and isn't able to look inwards well enough to dissect why it might be a problem for you and/or come across poorly and/or what it says about him
My dad is exactly that person, yeah. He’s always been vain about how he’s perceived. I don’t mean physically--he dressed like a slob all his life. I mean how people perceive his personality. He so desperately wants to be good old George, your friendly local grandpa who’d give you the shirt off his back. Barfs.
“but he doesnt understand that and isn't able to look inwards well enough to dissect why it might be a problem for you and/or come across poorly and/or what it says about him”
God this is so exactly on the money you have no idea
God this is so exactly on the money you have no idea